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It’s unfair that a man can’t roam the Canadian countryside with his best friend, the goat, without people wondering if he doesn’t care

It’s unfair that a man can’t roam the Canadian countryside with his best friend, the goat, without people wondering if he doesn’t care

Radio-Canada – Aubertin, who operates a hobby farm in St. Stephen, says he never intended to develop an unbreakable bond with a kid. But when Jimmy was born with an underbite, he struggled to cling to his mother for food.

“The mother had two other kids besides him, so she kind of nurtured those two and just avoided him, like, right away. So I’ve been bottle feeding him since he was born,” Aubertin said .

“After the first week or so, we formed a bond. I literally can’t go anywhere without him or he just starts chatting. He wants to know where I am. He needs to be with me.”

Who doesn’t love a good animal rescue story? This is so much better than human rescue stories. I can’t explain why. It should absolutely be the opposite. There’s just something about an injured sea otter’s journey as he’s nursed back to health by a short-haired woman dressed exclusively in khaki who releases him into the wild to reunite with his otter family that tugs at the heartstrings . significantly even more so than seeing a human child come out of poverty and be fed something other than a pile of dirt for the first time in their life. If Dave had adopted a child instead of a dog, that would have 1/10th of the following of Miss Peaches, whose adoption alone made Barstool more money than the entire New York office in 2024.

Sorry, that was a low blow for me, but I’m sure it’s true. Either way, the story of Jimmy The Goat is heartwarming in its own right. Jimmy was born in the Canadian province of New Brunswick to a real idiot mother who disowned him at birth because his underbite prevented him from clinging to her goat’s udders for food. Not only did that bitch of a nanny refuse to feed Jimmy. She was so disgusted by his deformity that when Jimmy tried to play with his siblings, she physically intervened and stopped him.

Aubertin says he was never able to reunite Jimmy with his biological family. He occasionally puts him in the pen with the other goats and watches him bounce around while playing with his two siblings.

“But then the mother gets wind of it…and then she puts it in a corner,” he said. “It’s brutal.”

Goats’ lives can be cruel. But luckily for Jimbo, a long-haired hippie named Hector took him under his wing. Jimmy and Hector became inseparable. He bottle-feeds Jimmy every day (with milk that I assume comes from his mother who is too stupid to even realize that she’s still technically feeding him). Hector turned the back seat of the truck into a goat pen. They took a driving vacation to the exotic city of Edmonton, Alberta. They both go to buy tires together. They sleep together in a bed in goat-friendly hotels. The story is simply wholesome.

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In fact, Aubertin says Jimmy was extremely well behaved during his trip – which is perhaps not surprising, given his extensive experience traveling with people.

“We go everywhere. We go to stores. We go to Canadian Tire. I can make him come to me, you know. I can make him lie down if I need to. He listens really well,” a- he declared. “He’s like a dog, but twice as fun and just a little harder to train.”

People, overall, were very accommodating to Jimmy, Aubertin said.

He was able to find many pet-friendly motels happy to accept a horned guest. And he was constantly surprised by how many businesses let him walk the aisles with Jimmy.

So it’s completely unfair that when we see a bond as beautiful and fitting as the one shared by Hector and Jimmy, people’s minds can’t help but wonder, “Is he fucking that goat? “

You can’t tell me that thought hasn’t crossed your mind at least for a little while. Even if it was just a joke, it’s still unfair to Hector. This is really bullshit. It’s rubbish, it’s rubbish, and it’s not true. But what’s troubling is that if you’re an extremely online person like me…someone who lives on “weird” news websites and checks the NY Post every morning, you fall way too far often on titles of this nature.

Yes, I know I googled “man who fucked a goat” to get those results. But that’s still a lot of fuss. And all you asshole goats who get caught, there are probably 100 others who don’t. Tell me, wasn’t there at least one rumor going around your high school about a strange farm kid who fucked one of their animals? You know, there were some. It was either a sheep or a goat. It’s a shame that a kid from your high school and a few other bad apples ruined platonic human-goat relationships for the rest of us.

Need more proof? GOOD. What do you think about that time in Iraq when goat fucking got so out of control and lone farmers started sexualizing their goats to the point that the farmers were forced to equip their goats with chastity belt type diapers , because “the naked goats represented an unacceptable temptation”. If farmers didn’t put their goats to bed… then naturally… they were murdered.

NPR – Shepherds in the rural neighborhood of Gazalea, west of Baghdad, were recently murdered, according to residents, for failing to give their goats a diaper. Apparently, sexual tension is so high in areas where sheikhs have a draconian view of Sharia law that they consider the sight of naked goats to be an unacceptable temptation. They blame the goats.

You don’t get the chance to say it often, but good for Iraq for at least trying to put an end to this madness.

Also think of the Greek god Pan. The God of nature. A god with goat’s horns, the torso of a man and the lower body of a goat. Pan is the son of Hermes, who is the god of “commerce, wealth, luck, fertility, breeding, sleep, language, thieves and travel” (except a few some for the fish, Jesus Christ). Pan is believed to be the daughter of a certain Penelope. Apparently this is disputed? I’m not sure how contested this is given that it’s all nonsense in the first place. But whatever. This is what I propose for the sake of this blog. Pan’s parents are Hermes and Penelope

Nothing weird there. A human parent, a divine parent who looks like a human, right? No fucking goat to speak of?

Hahahaha you are so stupid. This is what we were talking about in Greek mythology. Of course there was fucking goat.

British Children – In most tales, the god Hermes is Pan’s father. His mother is sometimes said to be Penelope, the wife of the hero Ulysses. In some stories, Hermes came to Penelope in the form of a goat, thus explaining Pan’s goat parts.

The Greeks are strange men. And here we have the highly respected Encyclopedia Britannica teaching this to our children? People got mad when some random guy made a picture book about a penguin raised by two dads.

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But apparently the story of Penelope having sex with a goat is an important part of the story that our children simply need to know.

And don’t even get me started on the famous Pan sculpture discovered in 1752. I’m not even going to include the photo in this blog. It’s too much. Just an extremely detailed sculpture of Pan with a plain old goat in missionary position. Dick inserted and everything….

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Ok, fine, there you go but I’m censoring the dick.

Ridiculous. And now every time a nice old man like Hector wants to save a goat from his evil mother whore and make the goat his best friend and travel across the country with him and sleep in the same bed, there will be a whole small part of in everyone’s mind that can’t help but wonder if there’s more to their relationship than meets the eye. It’s just not fair. It’s not fair to Hector, and it’s not fair to Jimmy The Goat. Just let them live platonically in pieces. They don’t deserve to be included in the same blog as these monsters.