City forced to break unfair Premier League rules they didn’t break

Manchester City have launched legal action against the Premier League in a dispute over unfair competition rules which they flouted 115 times.

The winners of four consecutive Premier League titles are campaigning for the scrapping of rules on associated party transactions (APTs) which they say are stifling the club’s progress.

City claim they are being discriminated against because the league’s democratic system requiring votes from at least 14 clubs to implement changes has forced them to bend the rules on one or 115 occasions.

“We completely refute claims that our success is the result of questionable sponsorship deals,” read a statement published on City’s official website.

“Apart from four of our top ten sponsors, including those for our stadium and jersey, we do not have any sponsorship deals funded by companies linked to our Abu Dhabi-based owners.”

“Therefore, we feel compelled to take legal action against the Premier League’s discriminatory sponsorship rules which we have ignored since our club was founded in 2009.”

“We should be allowed to spend 50 squillions on players and salaries without interference from Brentford and Bournemouth, who are determined to stifle our progress.”

“Please note that unless our legal bid is successful, our cash-strapped owners will be forced to withdraw funds from community programs and our women’s soccer team.”

In related news, City President Khaldoon Al Mubarak is suing a convenience store where he was caught shoplifting, after claiming that UK theft laws on display were unfair.

“Gentlemen, is this a manifesto of democracy?” Khaldoon Al Mubarak told reporters as he was led out of the premises.

“What is the charge?” Eat a bag of Crispy M&Ms? A delicious bag of crunchy M&Ms?’.

“Let go of my titles,” he shouted as he was placed in the back of a police car.

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