How do I stop my husband from asking our neighbors to pay for minor car damage when they saved our baby’s life, and other questions from the Advice section

There are so many great advice columns out there that we can’t keep up with them all. So we’re committed to providing you with links to the best advice column questions and answers each week. Here’s a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking, and surprising questions our favorite columnists have answered in the past few days.

How do I stop my husband from asking our neighbors to pay for minor car damage when they saved our baby’s life?

My husband “Lance” and I have a 10 month old daughter, “Isabelle”. Last month we had a tragedy when Lance came home from daycare with Isabelle. Shortly after pulling into the driveway, he got distracted by a phone call from work and went into the house forgetting Isabelle in the car. It was over 35 degrees outside. Miraculously, our next door neighbor’s 13 year old daughter, “Aubrey”, was in her front yard and saw Lance pull up. From what Aubrey tells me, she went to get a hedge trimmer that her dad had borrowed from us and came back to return it. As she was walking past the car, she spotted Isabelle in her car seat. She tried to open the doors, but they were locked. She dropped the trimmer, ran to our front door and rang the doorbell several times. I had just gotten out of the shower, was drying myself off and couldn’t answer. I later found out my husband was still on the phone in his office and had ignored him.

When Aubrey got no response, she ran to the car and used the lawnmower to break a window and pull Isabelle out. Isabelle was unconscious by then and Aubrey rushed her inside her house to her mother, who is a nurse. I didn’t realize what was happening until I was walking downstairs and heard Aubrey’s 10-year-old brother, “Alex,” banging on our door and yelling at me and my husband. I opened it and Alex, terrified, told me what had happened. We rushed to my neighbor’s house to find Isabelle lying on the kitchen floor while Aubrey and her mother worked to cool her down with cold packs and a portable fan. After several terrified minutes, Isabelle woke up and began crying just as the ambulance arrived. Isabelle spent the night in the hospital for observation, but thankfully she was fine and was able to go home the next day. The doctor said that if she had stayed in the car for 10 more minutes, she probably wouldn’t have survived. I put my husband through a terrible ordeal for what happened to Isabelle and he has nothing but remorse. But here’s the part that really makes me see red.

Lance’s car is customized and he loves it. It was a birthday gift from his parents. When Aubrey broke the window, it dented the frame and left a big scratch in the paint on the door. We have insurance and were only responsible for our deductible plus about $1,000. Lance insists that Aubrey’s parents pay us back. I can’t believe it. Their daughter saved my baby’s life (she even cut her arm in the process and needed stitches!) after my husband forgot about her and he wants Aubrey’s parents to cover the damn deductible! I told him it was disgusting and if anyone was to blame for the damage to his precious car, it was him for putting our daughter in this situation. His response is that Aubrey’s father makes a lot of money so they can easily afford it. He said he was willing to give Aubrey’s parents a chance to pay us off before he sues them. The prospect disgusts me and I’ve told him so, but he won’t budge. What can I do to make him see reason?

(Slate)

Jenée Desmond-Harris asks the letter writer if her husband is behaving out of character or if he is still being vindictive and unreasonable. “If he were to become your ex-husband and you told the story you have told in this letter, without any additional information, everyone would understand exactly why you are no longer together,” she writes. Read the rest of her response.

Can you believe my cousin announced her pregnancy three weeks after I announced mine, just to compete with me?

I grew up with my first cousin almost as if she were my sister. Her house was two blocks from mine. We were born two weeks apart, went to the same schools growing up, were in marching band together in high school, went to the same college, met our future husbands, and got married within months of each other.

So you could say we have a kind of competition, because when I say we did all these things almost at the same time, sometimes she was first, sometimes it was me, but the other one of us was always right behind the other one on purpose.

I found out I was pregnant in early April and three weeks later, guess what? She told me she was pregnant too. She told me they had planned it, but I told her she couldn’t stand it if I beat her at anything.

Until she found out I was pregnant, she was telling everyone she wanted to wait five years after getting married to start a family. Now she says I got pregnant at three and a half just to beat her up, and I think she got pregnant now so she wouldn’t let me be the only one to have a baby.

Can you believe someone would get pregnant just to compete?

(UExpress)

Susan Writer points out that it’s normal for people to reach milestones around the same time as their peers. “Rather than looking askance at your cousin, it might be wise to step back and review your own choices and why you made the choices you did,” she writes. “Deciding to do something for the sake of doing something, rather than as part of a game of one-upmanship, is a healthier life strategy in my opinion.” Read the rest of her response.

Is it okay to send a poem to a guy I went on a date with?

I only dated this guy once, but I really like him. I don’t know if he likes me. Can I send him a poem after we only dated once?

(UExpress)

Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, the authors of the character Miss Manners, urge the letter writer to keep it light. “She advises you to avoid anything that might make her think that the last line should be: ‘…And now I’m stalking you,'” they write. Read the rest of their response.

How do I stop a woman I dumped shortly after having sex from telling our friends she slept with me too soon?

I met a cool girl at a party with mutual friends. We exchanged numbers and went out a few times. We ended up sleeping together after the third time (at this point, we hadn’t discussed long-term intentions yet). At that point, I started to realize that she was looking for a boyfriend, and I knew I didn’t want to be him. We’re just not compatible that way.

Now she’s telling everyone (the same mutual friends, including another woman I might be interested in) that I broke up with her because she “slept with me too soon.” Nothing could be further from the truth, I’m not interested in that at all. I just don’t love her enough to take it any further.

I feel like I need to set the record straight, but I don’t want to come across as an even bigger jerk than she’s already making me out to be?

(The Washington Post)

Some of Hax’s readers argue that the letter writer’s version of events doesn’t do him any favors. “Are you trying to make amends with this really cool girl, or are you just trying to make sure the other women in your friend group aren’t discouraged from sleeping with you soon?” one wrote. “If you want to be on good terms with her, then try apologizing for being selfish and not thinking about her feelings.” Read the rest of their responses.

What is the best way to confess to my married coworker that I have feelings for her?

I have worked in this local government agency for years and have had the pleasure of working closely with “Catie” over the past four years. Although we are not in the same department, we have collaborated on many projects and have developed a close friendship.

As our friendship has progressed, I have grown to care deeply for Catie. I have sometimes expressed my feelings to her and she has been receptive to them. However, I have never accepted any physical advances, as we are both happily married.

Lately I have felt dishonest with her by not telling her directly about my feelings for her. I believe it is important to be open and honest with her about what I am going through and I would like to make a confession to clear my mind and conscience.

I hope you can give me some advice on how to approach this situation in a respectful manner.

(Creators)

Annie Lane advises the letter writer to start being honest with her spouse instead of Catie. “If you really want to clear your conscience, drop your job crush and start focusing on your ‘happy marriage,’” she writes. Read the rest of her response.

Should I report my favorite local restaurant for tax evasion because their daily specials are cash only?

My local Chinese restaurant has excellent set menus, with prices reduced by a third for weekday lunches only. The best soups are divine, superior to anything I’ve had at Singapore’s hawker stalls. These daily specials are cash only. I suspect that tax evasion may be the incentive for the owners. Such financial crimes mean a substantial reduction in tax payments needed for community services. Reporting the restaurant to the authorities risks forcing the establishment to close, with the best-case scenario being a warning and a hefty fine. I’m afraid of losing our neighbourhood “meal ticket” if I report the owners. What are your thoughts on this?

(The New York Times)

Kwame Anthony Appiah encourages the letter writer to eat elsewhere if the restaurant’s policies bother him. “Australia has a decent number of tax inspectors, the restaurant’s cash-only policy is no secret, and for all you know, the restaurant is simply trying to avoid credit card processing fees,” he wrote. Read the rest of his response.

Read last week’s column here.