Everything I missed in the 2023-2024 Community Report

By: Kaja Antic, editor

As we come to the end of this mundane, unsettling and profitable academic year, it’s time to take a walk down memory lane and remember everything that happened this year. And yes, I mean All.

You have heard a lot about our administration this year as we have fought hard against our staff pay. fair salaries and tirelessly, I drew lots from programs to see what needed to be done. cut Then, a lot of work was done to improve our salaries!

We remain true to our core values ​​within the creative name “And then: SFU’s strategy.“ We may have had commitment issues in the past, but we promise this time is different! Don’t ask football team, cleaning staff, catering workersOr TSSU MembersFor example.

While faculty and staff contribute to this strategy, I will continue to make the most of it! Without further ado, here are the most notable accomplishments of my administration—whether I should be proud of them or not:

Defending truth and reconciliation

• • Continue to use the name Simon Fraser to represent the university. Why should I take a pay cut to change a ridiculous name? It’s not like it’s John A. MacDonald University. Pull yourself together! Simon was one of the good ones!
  • Addressing colonialism by following to fund it through our support for Israeli military equipment, which one university claims “Budget problems“Every month, you absolutely have to invest.

Engaging in global challenges

• • To confuse Our Board of Governors meetings are taking place online to avoid facing the consequences of funding an ongoing genocide.
  • Avoid difficult conversations about our contributions to the Israeli military industry by refusing to directly mention pro-Palestinian protests during summons ceremonynies.

Make a difference for British Columbia

• • Cut Interpretation and Translation and English Language and Culture programs to assist with the relocation of newcomers to the Lower Mainland.
  • Closing the climbing wall to charge students full price at other climbing gyms in the province rather than meeting their needs ourselves. Why on earth would we do that?
  • Contribute to the destruction green spaces by interrupting an environmental conservation area to build the long-awaited project gondola.
  • Continue to contribute to the increase in the cost of living in the region by increase in tuition feesnot and laying disabledtaff. These cContributions are crucial foror padding my retirement fund!

Transforming the SFU Experience

• • Nearly half of the athletics building was empty, with no one using it. pool anyway!
    • Correction: We have a swimming team! Their space is simply hidden, and if we can’t see it, we cannot Stop! The football team should have gone somewhere else.
  • Refuse to give details about the “red leaf” brand. No, you will not get your mascot back. McFogg the dog is located on a beautiful farm in the Okanagan. Leave him alone!
  • Reduce our cleaning team to make campus feel more like home. What? It’s not like you clean your bathroom at home every day, so why should we?
  • Deletion our Woodward cultural programs so that we can spend more money on conferences that are totally to advance the university and not just to expand our LinkedIn contact lists. How much more culture do we need anyway? We even have a Italian programHaven’t we done enough for you?

THANKS

You have all brought joy into my life this academic year, unless you are one or more of the following:

TSSU member, cleaning staff, any member of any union, student athlete, health and counseling user, mascot lover, current faculty member, current grad student, current undergrad, raccoon in the convocation mall, alumnus who doesn’t give us money, looking for friends/campus life, international student, against our questionable military investments, or English (we have to stay true to our Scottish roots that we only occasionally acknowledge).

See you soon, you’re stuck with me for another term!

In all insincerity,

Jojo Jameson
This is not the SFU president