InteracInteractive theater like Sleep No More is the worst place to hold handsVeteer like is the worst place to hold hands

What I’m about to say may make you angry and defensive, but listen: I’m right.

If you are a couple going to see an immersive theatre play like Emursive Productions Don’t sleep anymore or their new show Life and TrustI need you to stop holding hands during the show. Just stop.

If you’re not familiar with these plays, they take place in massive sets that span multiple floors. The action takes place in space, with actors constantly in character as they move from scene to scene – multiple scenes happening simultaneously. You, as the viewer, can choose where you want to go at any given time. You can explore the set or follow a specific character throughout the play. Don’t sleep anymoreyou can just sit at the bar and listen to lounge music! It’s your choice.

It’s important to note that if you go with a group of friends or even with a partner, you can have totally different experiences from the series. In fact, you could even say that’s the intention.

But every time I go to see one of these shows, I always see several couples holding hands. They go up and down spiral staircases holding hands. They move through dark, narrow, maze-like hallways holding hands. They try to chase the actors while being attached to each other as if they were stuck in a finger trap.

It’s really annoying.

First of all, this is a purely logistical problem. If you’re holding someone’s hand, you’re slower. You’re just slower. And that means you’re getting in the way and holding up everyone who’s trying to follow the actor you’re following. It’s rude.

Also, by being codependent and forcing yourselves to have the same experience of the show, you dilute it. I’ve seen Life and Trust with a group of six people. We went in together, but split up at the beginning of the show. I ran into my friends a few times during the evening, but honestly, the space was SO huge that I barely saw them. That’s because, listen to me, we made different choices.

I’m probably projecting myself here, but the experience of holding an actor’s hand seems incredibly frustrating to me. What happens if you and your partner want to follow different actors as they leave a scene or explore another level of the set? Who makes that decision, and how do you feel comfortable being in a space where talking is prohibited?

HAS Life and TrustI chose to follow specific characters throughout the night. I thought this would take me through most, if not all, of the rooms and would be a good way to uncover the plot.

But my friend Tara Burton, a writer with years of experience attending and reviewing immersive theater, chose to explore the stage instead. She spent the night playing detective, opening drawers and reading documents. We both got to do what we wanted, and I can’t imagine how annoyed she would have been if I’d dragged her from floor to floor in pursuit of a charismatic performer. Conversely, I really enjoyed hearing the information she found during our post-show chat, but I didn’t go. Life and Trust to read letters. (I went to Life and Trust (running up and down six flights of stairs and getting very sweaty.)

When my group gathered after the show to discuss it, I got to hear about scenes and characters I had completely missed. And while, yes, I would have liked to see two sweaty men homoerotically fight in the boxing ring, I did not know that existedMy friends were quite jealous that I had a one-on-one with an actor who had tied my hands with rope, in a scene that was part cat’s cradle, part shibari.

We were able to excitedly share stories about what had just happened to us and discuss the differences in our experiences. It was fun! Would it have been cool to watch these scenes alongside my friends? I guess so, but honestly, I don’t care! If we had stayed together, we could have all I would have missed huge parts of the play, because it is simply too big to see in one go.

If you simply must If you’re together all the time, you could probably follow each other without having to bother with a stairwell because you have to walk two at a time. A discreet sleeve could signal to your partner that you want to move on to another scene, right? In large rooms, you could even slide up next to your partner and discreetly slip your hand into theirs, in the dark, while you watch a scene. Wouldn’t that be nice? While you’re both still?

That’s the compromise I propose, but honestly, do yourself a favor: experience the show alone.

I love debriefing after a classic play or film as much as anyone. But immersive theater is not a seated play. It’s an experience you’re supposed to have independently. And I’d rather break my kneecaps with a baseball bat than be forced to follow anybody the whims or desires of others when I participate in an interactive play.

Let go of your partner’s hand and dare to experience a different show. You will still be able to bond over it, I promise.