How to Use the “Resonance Effect” to Create Deep Emotional Connections

It was then that I was sitting at a function to which I had been invited.

As I was talking to another person in the hall, a voice in the background shouted, “Sachs!”

I looked around and, to my surprise, recognized my classmate from graduate school, named Akash, who I never thought would be there. He was across the room, smiled at me, and raised his arms as if he wanted to fly away.

he started moving towards me through the mass of people, opened his big arms and simply embraced me.

Although it must have been a pleasant surprise to warrant such enthusiasm, it was classic Akash. As far as I could tell, he was always at the center of all events. And he was always happy to meet everyone, which was reflected in his enthusiasm.

If you could imagine a male golden retriever, it would be him.

Of course, everyone loved him and people enjoyed being around him. It was hard not to like him because he made you feel like the most interesting person on the planet.

Anyway, whether it’s instinct or just plain proactivity, which I believe it is, Akash has stumbled upon a psychological model that is very well understood, and has great benefits for all of us if we just apply it.

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Researchers have long been interested in a phenomenon known as “emotional resonance” or the “resonance effect.”

Interpersonal neurobiology has established that the processes of coordinating physical and mental waves generate a strong neural connection between the two interacting people due to the emphasis on emotion management. This resonance is one of the most fundamental elements of the dense network of close connections that people form in their lives.

From an evolutionary perspective, the essence of emotional resonance can be reasonably determined. If we engage with other individuals who are in tune with the emotional rhythm, this evokes feelings of security and solidarity.

Finally, we are not burdened by the psychosocial implications of feeling rejected, undervalued, or ignored. We do not feel alone. And we can spend time with someone who informs us, and perhaps even reflects back to us, what is going on in our minds.

And we are fortunate to spend time with someone who informs us, and perhaps even gives us a reflection of what is going on in our minds.

This is also part of attachment theory (the idea that people seek secure bonds) which posits stronger bonds with those who are able to empathize with their emotions. But if we have other people who can listen to our emotions and we can simultaneously listen to their emotions as well, it’s a perfect dance that seems complete. And unfortunately, this applies to people who have poor emotional self-regulation, because they tend to engage in relationships that increase their suffering.

But on average, the ability to feel the same way as others allows you to tie a strong and stable knot.

The first person I want to mention is Terry Crews. If you’ve seen him in interviews or in his activism, you’ll notice that he has this way of finding the emotional thread of the conversation, he validates people’s feelings, he shares his own experiences and makes people feel heard.

When couples are asked what makes their relationship strong, they often cite three things: affection, companionship, and simply being able to talk to your partner and feel like they understand. In essence, it’s pretty basic.

For example, in the worst relationship I have ever seen, the two partners seemed to be in completely different worlds when it came to emotions. One would act happy and the other would show no interest. One would complain and the other would deflect. I watched their relationship deteriorate over time, with both partners feeling alone and misunderstood.

It was a typical example of emotional dissonance.

It may seem like this concept is pretty simple and even obvious to most of you and it is, but it is not applied as much as it should be. I hope that by getting more of you to read this and understand how it works, more of you will get out of this situation and improve your relationships.

How to integrate:

First, think about the emotional states you can feel to make the connection. These include happiness, sadness, fear, interest, anger, affection, satisfaction.

For example, when someone is happy, it means they show the other person that they are calm through their gestures, tone of voice, and even their face. You don’t turn around or even try to change the mood. You let them know that you are not afraid to sit with them in that emotional space.

Examples of empathy include acknowledging the other person’s feeling, affirming it, and then recounting a time when you felt the same way.

Positive emotions also work very well, such as enthusiasm. It’s a bit like tuning forks: as soon as one starts to sound, the other follows just as naturally. This is what I think it means to share someone’s joy in social relationships. It’s always nice when you’re interested in the topic of discussion, but even if you’re not, the enthusiasm you show creates a special bond.

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No, I’m not asking you to become an emotional copy or chameleon of the people around you.

But just like Akash did when he saw me at that retreat.

Consider each situation carefully. You should always consider the needs of the individual or person in question. For example, some people need to be alone first to be able to express their feelings and then be able to communicate with others. This does not mean that they should try to match their emotions in these cases.

So, if you tend to avoid close interactions during times when feelings are expressed, you may need to work on your ability to be open and sensitive, or you may end up pushing your partners away.

However, beyond the distinctions mentioned above, every relationship is special and has its own “vocabulary of feelings.” It is always important to learn these aspects and respect them at all times.

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To be able to apply this ability, we can think of it as an inner tuning fork.

Interestingly, the Greek word “pathos” can be related to this term: it evokes affection, the ability to touch someone and make them feel the same way. However, approaching emotional impact as a technique that can be learned is already a pretty smart approach to building stronger connections.

ER is an outward manifestation of the subject’s introspection, empathy, commitment, and concern for others. It does not seem that the work seeks to pull on the heartstrings or influence the feelings of the viewers.

Sometimes you just have to be fully aware and willing to feel the flow of other people’s emotions.

The most inspiring person I have ever met in my life was a meditation teacher I trained with. He had a lifetime of experience in meditation and it showed. Every time I told him my story, he seemed right, like he could feel what I was going through.

The fact that he didn’t try to fix me or make me feel worse was really powerful and just made me feel like he really understood me and that everything was okay.

This alone can go a long way in creating deep connections with other people.

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Through my interactions with individuals of different ethnic backgrounds, I have come to understand that the one thing people around the world have in common is the desire for affection – a lack that makes the need for human interaction so essential, regardless of linguistic or cultural differences.

In cases where I failed to find a common language with the people I had to interact with, simple acts such as miming, moderating the tone of voice and even gestures were enough to create close bonds with them.

To be honest, often just being willing to sync up with the other person’s emotional state can significantly advance the relationship. We don’t all expect others to consistently understand what we say or mean. We all have a basic desire to be noticed and appreciated.

Remember that emotions are the key to people’s hearts. Share the feelings of those around you and you can create remarkable connections that will make your life and the lives of those around you more beautiful.

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I hope you enjoyed reading. This blog post is a product of what I have learned, what I think and what I believe. The names used in this blog post are not real.

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This article was previously published on medium.com.

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The article How We Can Use the “Resonance Effect” to Create Deep Emotional Connections appeared first on The Good Men Project.