How to manage your retirement and find meaning in your life later

Q. I retired after 15 years as a customer service specialist in a hospital. The organizational changes and new culture were starting to take their toll on me. My job was everything to me: my purpose, my friends, my structure, and my income. I feel stuck and just can’t seem to move forward in this thing called retirement. Do you have any suggestions? GL

For some, retirement is an easy transition. But that’s not the case for everyone. The dilemma arises when our work becomes our exclusive universe.

Work is often our primary identity. Julie Norwell of the Barrett Group, a group of career management specialists written about differences between how Americans view their professional experience and how the French view it. She notes that a common starting conversation in the United States is: “What do you do for a living?”

In France, asking the same question to get to know someone is considered vulgar, according to a French art gallery director she interviewed. The French and Europeans in general “are reluctant to define themselves by their work,” she writes. In Europe, employment is only one element of personality. The other elements are family, friends, hobbies and other interests.

Work also gives us meaning in our lives. The Japanese have a word for it: “ikigai,” a reason to get up in the morning. It is one of the nine characteristics common to all living beings.The longest-lived people have been identified in Dan Buettner’s study on Blue Zones.

So where do you start? Here are some suggestions to get you started:

A retrospective approach. Reflecting on your work life can be a tool for planning your retirement. Consider making a list of what you enjoyed about your job. This could be the work itself, your co-workers, the physical environment, making a difference, or the opportunities for growth. And of course, there’s the income.

The next step is to identify the top three things you will miss most in retirement. Having worked with over 25,000 employees on the non-financial aspects of retirement, I can say that income was rarely among the top three things on the list. Note that most of these employees had retirement savings or a 401k account. Co-workers, learning opportunities, the job itself, and diversity of experiences were more often among the top three things.

Next, think of substitutes for what you miss most. For example, if you miss your coworkers, consider making new friends or reconnecting with old ones. If it makes a difference, get involved in something that impacts children, seniors, literacy, climate, local communities, etc.

A prospective approach. Ask yourself if there is something you have always wanted to do or learn, but never had time to do while working. This could be growing orchids, traveling, painting, working with children, spending more time with family and friends, becoming a mentor, exercising, or taking classes. Explore something new. And take a risk. Trying something new is not a lifelong commitment. You can switch to a new opportunity at any time.

Learn from others. Consider reaching out to those you think are having a wonderful retirement, perhaps someone you admire. Talk to them about where you are in the process and if they have any advice to share. You might want to follow them in how they spend their day. You can also consult a life or retirement coach who can help you think through your priorities and opportunities.

Getting another job is an option. This probably involves using LinkedIn, networking, looking at your skills, interests, and availability. This can give you a sense of purpose, interesting work, and being socially connected. For tips, check out https://www.aarp.org/work/job-search/

Taking care of yourself can help you feel better. Try to eliminate financial stress as much as possible. Also, make sure to stay fit. This means exercising regularly, such as walking, doing yoga, or trying something new. Add to that a healthy diet and regular medical checkups. Expand your network of friends and be the initiator. Visit places you love and visit new places.

Creating a meaningful, fulfilling, and vibrant retirement can be a full-time job, at least at first. For many, it requires a lot of thought, information, reflection, and experimentation.

Most of us aren’t prepared to redefine ourselves at age 60, 70, 80 or 90. However, as people live longer and healthier lives, expectations for retirement are high, as they want to experience a chapter of their lives that is as rewarding or more rewarding than the last. Many are asking, “What’s next?”

Thank you, GL, for your important question. Developing this next chapter is a journey. Enjoy the ride. Stay healthy and spread the joy of kindness.

Helen Dennis is a nationally recognized leader on aging and new retirement issues, with academic, corporate, and nonprofit experience. Contact Helen with any questions or comments at: [email protected]. Visit Helen at HelenMdennis.com and follow her at facebook.com/SuccessfulAgingCommunity