10 cheat codes that give women an unfair advantage in relationships

Maybe you haven’t dated in a while, or even a long time, and you feel left out of the trends in online dating advice and tips for navigating social media when you want to find someone. ‘love. Or maybe you’re a savvy dater with profiles all over the internet, texting and messaging your latest love like a pro. Either way, there are some dating tips that never go out of style, because the fact is they work.

Here are 10 cheat codes that give women an unfair advantage in relationships:

1. Don’t compromise your core values for a date

couple on a date RDNE Project Stock / Pexels

Don’t settle. Don’t hesitate when it comes to your core values and beliefs. Compromising core values and beliefs will end in disaster, leaving you regretting having had a series of unsatisfying dates. Establish your boundaries early on to set a tone of trust and mutual respect.

If you have key differences that cannot be overcome, don’t pretend everything is okay. This is not the case, and you don’t need to waste time confirming it over and over again.

2. Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone

get out of the comfort zone Mental Health America (MHA) / Pexels

When we stay in our perfect, pretty, neat little boxes, we tend to miss out on life’s adventures! Life is meant to be lived, and sometimes that means stepping out of our comfort zone and dancing with the unknown.

Now, let’s be clear, I’m not suggesting you put yourself at risk, but I am suggesting you broaden your horizons to try something different. Go to new places and explore new things! Is there a gallery or museum that you have been wanting to visit? A gym that you have “almost” joined a hundred times?

Do it! Make a change and feel the power of your new energy. Develop a new mantra – long live the difference!

3. Be honest with yourself and others

woman thinking about dating intentions Moose Photo / Pexels

Be clear with your dating intentions. Ask yourself: Am I dating for fun or am I dating because I want to find a committed relationship?

Based on your honest response, you can then approach dating with clarity. Whatever your answer is, it’s okay. Just be honest with yourself and your potential suitors.

Trust me, no one likes the old bait and switch. Plus, it helps you weed out people who don’t have the same dating desires.

If your desire in dating is to find a potential life partner, choose to only date people who express that same desire. Remember, you can’t change people, so don’t set yourself up for failure.

4. Be who you are

the woman is authentic Emmy E / Pexels

Be yourself. Do not, I repeat, send your representative to YOUR date. Show up as your authentic self every time. This way your date has the opportunity to get to know you.

Plus, trying to be someone or something you’re not requires way too much brain power and work. Why waste time trying to create that illusion or persona that your date may or may not like? If you present as yourself, you don’t need to spend time trying to figure out whether your partner is interested in you or your alter ego.

5. Don’t neglect dating sites and apps

woman on dating site studio cottonbro / Pexels

This one is for the “long time” daters. Yes it’s true, dating on the Internet is now a timeless tip. Research from Stanford University even indicates that online dating is the best way to meet people.

And here’s another news flash for you: traditional dating methods are disappearing, and that might just be a good thing! Good old technology has created a dating pool that is easily accessible and often makes for great matches. Find a friend who enjoys dating – or maybe your daughter or son! – to help you with your profile and see the possibilities flow.

6. Ditch “the list”

couple on a fun date Tima Miroshnichenko / Pexels

We often talk ourselves out of the perfect date because we are extremely judgmental, too judgmental, or too skeptical. There’s nothing wrong with actively dating, but stop creating unrealistic lists of requirements that no one, including yourself, can ever meet.

While it’s okay to seek out a partner with certain ideal core values and characteristics, it’s just as important to be flexible enough to accommodate imperfections. For example, things like kindness and generosity are important. Hair color? Not so much.

Decide what is truly important and non-negotiable and throw the rest out the window. Otherwise, you’ll end up spending the rest of your life alone with your “perfect” list.

7. Ask yourself if you would date yourself

woman looking in a mirror Arina Krasnikova / Pexels

If the answer is no or you are hesitant in your answer, then you have some work to do before you start dating. Often we have expectations of others that we can’t even meet ourselves, or we are so broken by our past that we haven’t taken the time to properly heal.

In either case, it’s important to take a break for the cause. It’s not fair to take all your baggage and dump it right in your date’s lap. What I suggest to my clients is that they spend time dating.

Learn who you are and what you love to make sure you’re ready to start fresh. Remember that we attract to ourselves the same energy that we emit. So if you do damage, that’s exactly what you’ll get in return.

8. Stop looking for love in nightclubs and bars

woman in a bar Ryutaro Tsukata / Pexels

I’m not saying it’s impossible, but a nightclub probably isn’t the best place to find love. People generally go out to clubs and bars for two reasons: to hang out with friends or to find a random encounter.

If you’re looking for a night of random indiscretion, then the nightclub might be the place for you, but if you’re looking for something a little more substantial, try searching for dates potential you to places that really interest you, or where you can find people who share something in common. For example, if you’re a jazz fan, try frequenting a vintage record store or concerts in the park. This is a much more likely place to meet your potential partner.

9. Remember that dating does not equal physical intimacy

couple enjoying each other's company RDNE Project Stock / Pexels

Over the past few decades, dating has become synonymous with dating. Dating at its true essence is an intentional process of getting to know each other in the context of friendship while evaluating one’s suitability as a potential partner. Privacy is not a requirement for this.

It is certainly your choice to engage in casual relationships if you agree to it, however, be aware of the intended and unintended consequences. Be warned that casual relationships are not without costs: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, biochemical, social, etc.

10. Always remember that you can leave at any time

woman eating Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels

Never allow yourself to stay in a romantic situation that makes you uncomfortable. It’s okay to apologize and end the date.

If you have a date and feel uncomfortable, politely find a way to excuse yourself and exit stage left. And if the date was extremely questionable, find a way to remove that person from your dating list entirely.

When in doubt, follow your instincts. When people show you who they are, believe them!

While these tips won’t guarantee you’ll never have a bad date, they can take some of the guesswork out of the equation and keep you on a promising path. Learn to appreciate the joy of presenting yourself authentically every time and you will begin to love the dating process. Of course, that’s when the perfect partner will appear.

Dr. TaMara Griffin was a former certified clinical therapist, best-selling author, and powerful motivational speaker with over 20 years of speaking, writing, and teaching experience.