Dear Annie: My boyfriend dumped me after I nursed him for cancer

Dear Annie:

I lost my husband 10 years ago. He was a wonderful man and we had a good marriage for over thirty years. It took me a while (seven years) to start dating, and when I did, I met a man who was seven years older than me and had been divorced twice, but I was very attracted to him, and he to me too . We spent six months together, and then I left for the winter, but we flew back and forth and got back together and it was like no time had passed. Then he discovered he had multiple myeloma. His sister called to tell me because I was traveling and he was in the hospital.

He underwent stem cell treatment and was very ill. At one point he wanted me to take him for a ride and he said he was ready to die. I was there to clean his house and plant his garden. He has rental properties, and when they were due for renovation, he was too sick, so I painted them and cleaned them up. I took care of him and was his ONLY constant help during this time. I restarted his meds and looked for alternatives (which I found, and he is doing much better now).

We don’t live together, but we’ve had a lot of time together. After three years I got a call from him last week and he said it was over. He is 73 years old and said he needs to find himself and what he wants. I was so stunned that I was speechless. In the end, all I could say was that I was there through illness and your darkest times, and he said nothing. I told him: I am a good woman and you will never find a woman like me again. I was in love with this man and put my love into practice by caring for him. He told me he loved me as a person, but wasn’t in love with me. After three years, I have to say that I’m wondering if this man really has a heart. He attends a men’s Bible study and sometimes goes to church.

I’m struggling to figure out how someone could just decide to treat another human being who has been by their side in this way. Can this person really have a heart and soul? – In shock

Best in shock:

The fact that you gave yourself to this man without getting anything in return shows how selfless and compassionate you are.

Unfortunately, we have no control over how other people respond to changes in their lives. People facing serious illness often have a change in perspective, and he may be fighting an internal battle that he has not communicated. And don’t forget: the fact that he has been divorced twice shows that he has failed to maintain a lasting relationship. That’s him, not you.

Although this relationship did not turn out as you had hoped, that does not diminish the strength and loyalty you have shown. You deserve to be with someone who appreciates that.

“How can I forgive my cheating partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology – featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation – is available in paperback and e-book. Visit for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].