Let’s talk about the latest sexual taboo for straight couples

Can we talk about lube? There can’t be many sexual taboos left, but using lube should definitely be one of them, at least among heterosexual couples. It’s not that anyone finds the idea of ​​lube particularly shocking – You can buy it at Tesco for goodness sake – but that’s very different from making it a staple sexual repertoire.

There’s a strange stigma surrounding the use of lube by women, especially younger women, as if cracking open the KY Jelly is an admission that you’re not aroused enough to produce enough of your own lube.

In my opinion, this is a huge shame and everyone, regardless of age, gender or sexual orientation, should use lube. It just makes everything feel better. Lube is the rainbow sprinkled on life’s sex cake, and no one will ever convince me otherwise. Yet the use of lubricants is far from universal. In fact, as we’ll see, there’s a lot of resistance, which is ironic because that’s exactly what lube is supposed to help with.

There’s no way around it: lubricant use in heterosexual couples is associated with sexual dysfunction, vaginal dryness and anal sex. And while I like to think that very few of us would bat an eyelid at someone using lube for this purpose, it has developed a reputation for being more of a sexual aid than an enhancer.

But if you don’t lubricate your wheels regularly, you’re definitely missing out, and many people do. One from 2009 study of women in the United States found that 62 percent had used lube at some point in their lives, but only 25.3 percent had used it as of October. Another one studypublished in 2014, found that 70 percent of American men had used lube at least once, but only 25 percent had used it in the past month.

This tells us that people are very open to using lube, but don’t do it as regularly. Gay and bisexual men are the exception research tells us they use more lube than any other demographic. More than 90 percent of men who have sex with men report having had sex at least once, and not just for anal sex. but for solo and mutual masturbation also.

Despite my argument that lube is about more than just improving sexual function, there’s still no denying that it’s the vagina’s best friend for this very reason. It’s been like that shown to significantly reduce discomfort during penetrative sex for those dealing with vaginal dryness, vaginal atrophy and dyspareunia, all of which increase significantly as we age. But we shouldn’t wait until we get older before reaching for the lubricants.

Despite the fact that the use of lubricant has been shown to seriously improve sexual pleasure, the most mentioned rode for heterosexual couples who did not use, the belief was that lubricants were “just for the elderly.”

I spoke to Dr. Hallie Liebermana historian who has not only researched the history of sex toysbut also the origins of lubricant, about the unglamorous image of lubricant.

“Lube is the ugly stepsister of sex toys,” she laughed. “It’s slimy, sticky and rarely nicely packaged. When people think of lube, they rarely think of beauty.” It’s true. Despite its primary function being to make sex even better, lube is strangely unsexy.

I asked Dr. Lieberman about the research I had looked at and why there is still a reluctance to use lubricants, especially among heterosexual women.

“Lube definitely still has a stigma, at least among heterosexual women,” she said. “A woman who ‘needs’ lubricant is sometimes still seen as frigid or sexually inadequate. Lube is associated with aging vaginas and menopause, so it’s automatically stigmatized in a society that rarely considers older women sexy. But lube is for all ages. A 20 year old might need it, just like a 100 year old.”

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It seems like the shame surrounding straight women using lube is a form of ageism. Lube does such a fantastic job at relieving vaginal discomfort during sex as we age that it is now linked to the sexual dysfunction of older people. It’s also rooted in a misplaced fear of sexual failure, and that using lube would be an admission that you can’t get sufficiently aroused on your own.

That was certainly the case for Dr. Lieberman, as she explained: “In my 20s, I felt a stigma around lube, thinking I was too young to need it or that using it was a sign that something was wrong with my vulva. I thought maybe I couldn’t get aroused properly. When I used lube I felt like I was admitting I had a problem, which in retrospect is ridiculous but a very real feeling at the time.

Moreover, there is evidence to support this sentiment. Research suggests that when women experience vaginal dryness, the perceived cause varies with age, with women over 50 “attributing reduced lubrication to age or menopause, while younger women believed it was due to a lack of sexual arousal”.

This brings me to one of my personal ones it’s black. There is no recognized noun in English for the fluids produced by the vagina during arousal. You should say: “fluids produced by the vagina during arousal”. The closest thing to a single word is the adjective ‘wet’. There are all kinds of less-than-flattering slang terms, ranging from “fanny batter” to “donut icing,” but not a word you might use when talking to your doctor with a straight face. The French call this liquid “Cyprine”, from “Cyprus”, the birthplace of Aphrodite, Goddess of Love. Rogers profanisaurus call it “gusset icing”. Swings and roundabouts, I think.

Whatever you want to call the fluids produced by the vagina during arousal, using lubricant during sex runs the risk of being read as an admission that you’re not getting enough because you’re either too old or you’re not are excited. the first place. This is nonsense.

Vaginas can be pretty unpredictable things. Not only can they get lubricated during sex when you’re not aroused, but sometimes they don’t get lubricated when you are, for all kinds of reasons. Hormone changes, medications and where you are menstrual cycle can all affect the amount of cyprine produced.

But here’s the thing. Even if you produce enough icing for an entire branch of Dunkin’ Donuts, you should still consider lube. I asked Dr. Lieberman why she believes we should all use lube, regardless of age or sexual function.

“It improves sexual pleasure for all genders,” she explained. “Other research shows that women who use lubricant are more sexually satisfied. Not only can lube make sex more fun, it can also make it less painful and less likely to cause tears in sensitive genital and anal tissue.”

It not only makes penetrative sex more fun; it also makes masturbation more enjoyable. Take a tip from the male masturbation playbook and put some lube on it. You’ll thank me later.

The only caveat I would add is applying your lube research. Oil-based lubricants can damage latex condoms, which is definitely worth knowing. Silicone-based lubes are great to use with a condom, but can damage the surface of your favorite sex toy, so remember to clean them thoroughly after use. You can now buy water-based and plant-based lubes, both of which are great for sensitive skin, but may not last as long as a silicon-based option. It is important that you actually use a special lubricant and not what you have lying around.

Hopefully we can start to dispel the idea that using lube is only for sexual dysfunction, or something that only older people use. It improves the quality of all kinds of sexual shenanigans. I mean, the wetter the better, right? As Dr. Lieberman said, “It’s never a matter of if I want to use lube, just a matter of ‘how much’.”