I’m terrified of letting my son play tackle football. But he loves the game, so I signed him up for flag football as a compromise.

• I always told my son I would never let him play tackle football. The thought of him getting hurt scares me.

• But recently at a birthday party I saw how much he loves it – and how good it is.

• For the time being, we are making concessions to flag football.

I’ve always been scared of the idea my son plays tackle football. I just heard that too many young men are getting hurt playing the sport, and I’ve never been a fan of the violence either. I was hoping he wouldn’t be drawn to the sport so it wouldn’t be a problem, but a few factors led to his love for the game.

My son’s father played football in high school and his stepfather is a big fan of college football, so both male parental figures in his life are fans of the sport. He has heard stories about his father playing football and has been watching it on TV all his life. By the time my son was in first grade, he started asking me if he could play himself. Instead of flat out telling him no and hoping he wouldn’t be interested in it anymore, I just said we could talk about it when he was older.

Because we live in an area where youth soccer is popular, many of his classmates and friends play in leagues for boys his age. The more friends my son made who played football outside of school, the more often he asked me if he could join a league too. Since he had the opportunity to play flag and touch football at school during recess, during gym, and during after-school daycare, I told him that was enough. But he was persistent in his request to play, so I finally had to have a real talk about why I didn’t want him to; I thought Tackle football was just too dangerous.

I had to tell him the truth about why I didn’t want him to play football

I explained that I didn’t want him to suffer a serious injury so young (or at any age) from something like football. Luckily for me, both his father and stepfather agreed with my concerns. My son was angry, but the more he saw that I wouldn’t change it, the less he asked. We had compromised on him play in high school if that was something he still wanted to do, although I kept hoping he would grow out of it by then.

When he was recently invited to a football-themed birthday party, I watched him play flag football with the other boys for two hours. Other mothers told me that their sons had told them how well my son was a thrower, and watching him play in the yard with his friends and catch throws made me realize something I hadn’t done before. I was keeping my son from doing something that not only made him happy, but was also very good at.

After firmly refusing let him play football For years, I had taken a less harsh stance toward the end of the party. I still don’t want him playing tackle football. If I’m honest, I’ll let him play flag football for a season this spring.

As I watched him play at the party, I asked the other mothers about the soccer leagues their sons played in. Every other youth session offered during the year in our region is tackle football, but the spring session is the only one that is flag football. Since the only aspect of my son’s soccer game that scares me is the tackling, I decided to let him try out flag football for a season with his friends. By the end of the party, I had signed him up for the season on my phone through a link the other moms had sent me.

I don’t want to be the person who keeps my son from what he loves

While I realize that he does allow that playing flag football may make my son want to play more tackle football in the future, I don’t want to stop him from experiencing more of what I saw at that party. The fact that I didn’t want him to play football has been a constant internal struggle for me. I worried about the effect it would have if I stopped him from trying something he clearly loves, but I also felt conflicted if I went against my instincts by allowing him to do something which I think is dangerous.

For now, a season of flag football feels like a healthy compromise for both of us. If the talk of tackle football comes up again, I’ll deal with it the best I can at that time. While I didn’t hesitate to think there are risks involved, especially for young boys, I’ve changed my mind about the fact that I don’t want to be the person who keeps my son from doing something he really enjoys – and maybe even destined to do.

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