Sexual violence is kept secret by 80% of survivors, but those who speak out offer them hope – The Irish Times

Last Monday, KAtleen Correia spoke outside the Central Criminal Court, where her former husband had been jailed for eight years for charges including rape and coercive control.

She said it was difficult coming to the decision to give up her anonymity, but that it was right for her. Correia talked about the years she had spent staying silent and hiding the truth, and how these had caused feelings of isolation, shame and guilt. She said she felt like she would continue to carry those feelings if she remained anonymous.

These emotions and the burden of carrying complex trauma without support will be well recognized by victims and survivors of sexual violence. It will take decades to remove the social and cultural barriers that prevent people from speaking openly about this issue.

As recently as 1993, Lavinia Kerwick renounced her anonymity in an interview with Gerry Ryan. Speaking about that seismic moment during an appearance on the Late Late Show in 2019, she said that “before 1990/1991 you would never hear the word ‘rape’ on the radio, it was like a curse word”.

( Attacker gets eight years in prison for rape and coercive control of womanOpens in a new window )

Kerwick’s extraordinary courage paved the way for victims of rape and sexual assault to follow her example and speak out publicly themselves. As she so powerfully said, “This guilt and shame is not yours, it is the rapist’s.”

Now, thirty years later, Kathleen Correia’s message to the public is still about shame and guilt, the very same words Lavinia Kerwick used. During this time, thousands of perpetrators have hidden in plain sight because the social stigma and silence associated with sexual violence have not yet been eliminated and effectively provided cover for perpetrators.

The Dublin Rape Crisis Center is in awe of and grateful for the extraordinary contribution of people who choose to speak publicly about their experiences. But for the vast majority, speaking on the steps of the court is not an option. Only a small proportion of the total number of people who have been victims of sexual violence see the perpetrator convicted of a crime.

Those who have experienced child sexual abuse and are now adults face even greater challenges. There are understandably many others who do not want to speak publicly, and there should be no pressure or shame – every survivor of sexual violence must feel the way forward for themselves.

For those who cannot or do not want to pursue the legal path, or those who initiate the process but never receive confirmation of a conviction, there may not be the same catharsis for the victim that a guilty verdict or public admission of wrongdoing can bring to take. .

( Thanks to Lavinia Kerwick, Ireland learned about the trauma of sex crimesOpens in a new window )

What are the options for people for whom no legal route is taken? Without criminal law, is there justice for the victims? Where is the validation for what happened? How can survivors find support from someone who understands and who has supported other survivors dealing with the same trauma many times before?

Last summer there was a criminal case in which a man was found guilty of raping his wife of more than twenty years. Media coverage of this case prompted other women dealing with identical experiences to call the 24-hour National Rape Crisis Hotline; women who may never make a complaint to the Garda, but who saw their own experiences reflected in this case. They quietly shared in the triumph of the guilty verdict because it indirectly acknowledged their own experiences and this gave them the courage to pick up the phone. So there are many other victims who silently bear the trauma of similar experiences and who seek common ground with other survivors.

This is why the Dublin Rape Crisis Center has developed the ‘Signs of Hope’ awareness campaign, which provides survivors of sexual violence with a platform to connect with others who have not sought help from support services. As many as eight in ten people never seek help. This is a statistic we want to change, using messages created by survivors themselves that encourage others to go to the confidential and anonymous National Rape Crisis Hotline.

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One handwritten message came from a survivor of childhood sexual abuse at a religiously run school. It says, “I know a safe place where you can tell your story.” The fact that there was no safe place for him to talk in the past is consistent with what Archbishop of Dublin Dermot Farrell is reported to have said on US television this week: “There was a culture of denial, a culture of obfuscation, a culture of silence and ignoring.”

Many callers to the helpline will never tell anyone else what happened to them. Others have said their loved ones suspect they have been affected in some way and have tried to offer support, but they don’t want their families to be “tainted” by what happened to them.

Some callers are very matter-of-fact about what happened to them and we know they will never call us again because they just wanted to express their abuse to someone. To hear a counselor at the end of the phone line say that it was never their fault, that they are believed and that their experience matters is enough for some victims.

A man who called us recently said he just wanted to tell the truth, to acknowledge the terrible mistakes he had experienced at school. Like Kathleen Correira, he hoped that speaking the truth could set him free.

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It is hope that connects the experiences of all survivors of the Dublin Rape Crisis Center awareness campaign. They believe in a future where there is no shame, no isolation and no stigma and where people feel entitled to access the support services that are available.

Many callers to the helpline start with, “I’m not sure if you can help me” and “I’m not sure if I’m in the right place.” Our message is that we can help you and that you have come to the right place.

As the slogan of this campaign goes: “When you’re ready to talk, we’re ready to listen.”

Rachel Morrogh is CEO of the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre. Free, confidential support is available to anyone affected by sexual violence via the 24-hour National Helpline on 1800 77 88 88