American women can no longer afford to remain silent about their abortions

I don’t regret having an abortion. But I regret not talking about it. Like me recently shared publiclyI chose to have an abortion due to an unplanned pregnancy in my 20s. Years later, I kept quiet about it and only confided in a few of my closest friends. I was sensitive to how my decision would affect me, especially as a single mother at the time, and I didn’t want others to feel uncomfortable.

When I had my abortion, I was a full-time, unpaid intern at the White House. The few people I told included my friend who drove me to the appointment and another who took care of my daughter for the night. I didn’t ask my supervisor for time off, afraid of the taboo and risk at a time when I desperately needed a job. Instead, I went back to work the next day in pain physically and emotionally, and bleeding profusely from multiple pads. Although I probably would have asked for time off to rest and recover from another procedure, I acted as if nothing had happened because I assumed that was what everyone around me preferred.

The shame surrounding abortion and women’s reproductive issues has been a heavy, pervasive burden for those affected. What I didn’t think about at the time was how my silence – part of a broader collective silence – contributed to the immense stigma that abortion has in society. It has inadvertently given space to those who want to infringe on our bodily autonomy. When we remain silent about our experiences, we enable others to continue to erode our freedoms. If abortion care were as normalized as any other health care, efforts to overturn Roe v. Wade might face more resistance.

Looking back at a post-Roe world, we haven’t talked about abortion enough. Maybe we didn’t think that was necessary; abortion was, after all, constitutionally protected. Growing up, I never heard of anyone’s abortion, even if it was definitely happens. And as an adult, even in my largely progressive friend circles, women did not openly talk about their abortions that I have since learned about.

Instead, we were told the horror stories of what women went through—botched abortions of their own making and dangerous pregnancies—before abortion was a fundamental right. We assumed those stories were part of a grim but distant history. We talked hypothetically about what it would be like for millions of women if Roe were ever overturned, without really believing it was possible. The experts warned about this women would dietheir fertility would be compromisedThat infant mortality would increasethat black women would be acutely affected.

Now we know it wasn’t all exaggerated. It is our reality. And our continued silence will only make things worse.

For decades, anti-abortion politicians and activists have made it their mission to interfere in the private reproductive decisions of strangers. Stigma and silence gave them a free hand. And now we look at the horrific outcomes unfolding in the daily news cycle. It is crucial to underline how disturbing this is That is, and to confirm how abortion care is normal, safe and secure Good.

Abortion is so common that a quarter of the female population in the US will have an abortion in their lifetime – which means we all know and love women who have received or will receive abortion care. That immutable fact, a constant over time, should be enough to destigmatize abortion, but it is not. After I published my abortion stories, almost every encouraging message I received used the words “brave” or “courageous.” Even those who staunchly support abortion rights still consider talking about it an act of courage, suggesting that silence is still the default.

The “good” versus “bad” abortion narrative playing out in the national dialogue also perpetuates the stigma of abortion. Most Americans support abortion in cases of rape or when the mother’s life is in danger, and often also pro-abortion politicians highlights these cases because they are seen as more palatable and less controversial. Even opinion polls show While a majority of Americans also support abortion care for other reasons, so-called elective abortion is not promoted in the same way.

There are many ways to break the stigma surrounding abortion. One is to share openly and often about our stories, which are powerful. We know this to be true because we are too hear more from women across the country, and they’re helping change people’s minds. For those without personal experience, talk candidly about abortion (for example, avoid the word not) is also important. By making abortion care more socially acceptable—seen for what it really is: health care that is in fact very normal—we can shape public discourse and build resistance to those who try to limit or ban it.

I needed an abortion and I got one. That is the very ordinary story that I will continue to tell. I encourage you, when you’re ready, to share yours too.

This article was originally published on MSNBC.com