Shawn Mendes is 'still figuring out' his sexuality. Let's give him – and others like him

We live in a world that doesn’t always take kindly to ambiguity, especially when it counts sexual orientation. As an author Katie Heaney wrote in her 2018 coming-out memoir: Would you rather: “People want a clear storyline. Especially me. We want gay adults to have gay childhoods – the primary school crush, the closeted adolescence, the gradual coming to terms. We want a line, without breaks, without swerves, from point A to point B. But I broke and I swerved a lot.

Heaney’s statement is very recognizable to me, a person who has broken up, swerved and come out no fewer than five times in my life (as bisexual! Like generic “queer”! as a lesbian! as she/them! bisexual again!). I’m grateful for the people in my life who made room for it all of my different identities, and was not questioned or judged as I switched between the two – but unfortunately that’s not necessarily the norm, as singer Shawn Mendes proven on Monday. During a concert in Colorado, he opened up to his fans about his sexuality, saying, “Since I was very young, there has been something about my sexuality, and people have been talking about it for so long. The real truth about my life and my sexuality is that, man, I’m figuring it out just like everyone else. Sometimes I don’t really know, and other times I do. And it feels very scary because we live in a society that has a lot to say about that.”

Unfortunately, Mendes isn’t the only celebrity who has felt pressure to define his sexuality to the public lately; then Billie Eilish came out Although she was queer in 2023, she was not happy with the fervor that surrounded her announcement, later sharing Fashion: “I wish no one knew anything about my sexuality or anything about my dating life. Ever, ever, ever.” Should being honest with the world about who you are and who you love actually entitle everyone to every detail about who you’re dating or how you identify?

More than 7% of Americans now identify as members of the LGBTQ+ community, but there isn’t much reliable data available on how many of these people are (or have been) questioning their sexuality. Anecdotally, I can unequivocally say that virtually every queer, trans, and non-binary person I know has experienced a lack of clarity about their sexuality and/or gender at some point. Is it because they are “just confused” like the TERFs would you believe, or is it because sexuality and gender are two of the most porous and multifaceted aspects of modern life? It’s hard to feel 100% secure in any part of your identity each of the time, and certainly not when communities are faced with a increase in homophobia and transphobia and many of the social messages you still receive regularly wish you were straight and cis?