Dear Abby: Family members are upset after I said a new baby shouldn’t go to a family event

DEAR ABBY: I am a childless 70 year old man. Every year around the anniversary of my brother’s death, some family members get together and travel to his hometown to celebrate him. We will have a memorial service at the cemetery and go to mass together on Sunday. We also go out for dinner and drinks. There are now three generations involved, the youngest of which is 10.

This year my cousin’s son and his wife had a baby. We are all happy for them. A few days ago I sent a group text on our family call saying I didn’t think it was a good idea to bring a baby on this trip. I explained that I felt like this would distract from the purpose of being together. My cousin is offended and won’t tell me why. I carefully worded my message so that I didn’t say anything negative. Was I wrong? — TRADITIONALIST IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TRADITIONALIST: You wrote that the purpose of this gathering is for the family to honor your deceased brother and celebrate his life together. When you posted your message in the family thread, did you expect your cousin’s son and his wife to skip the event and stay home with their baby? Their baby is part of the family and may be too young to be without their mother. While your carefully worded message reflects your feelings, it was out of line, and I understand why it upset your cousin.

A NOTE TO PARENTS OF YOUNG CHILDREN: If your little ones are heading out for trick-or-treating tonight, make sure they are supervised to ensure their safety. Happy Halloween, everyone! – LOVE, ABBY

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was created by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.