Our daughter has been getting away with a strange nighttime routine for months

Slate Plus members get more Care and nutrition every week. Do you have a question about children, parenting or family life? Submit it here!

Best care and nutrition,

My daughter, “Victoria”, is 8 years old. She has never been a good sleeper and when she was a toddler she would always get up in the middle of the night. We took her to several doctors for evaluation, but they would not commit to a diagnosis that would require medication or the like, and usually told us to tighten up on sleep hygiene (which had little noticeable effect) or to “just get over it.” to grow.” Well, a year ago it seemed like the “grow it out” crowd was right.

For the first time in years, we no longer had to keep an eye on her at night, worried that she would get out of bed at 3 a.m. and wander around the house. For the sake of completeness, I would like to note that she has never exhibited any other problem related to a sleep disorder. She slept, but only about three hours at a time. She would wake up and wander around the house, then go back to sleep for three hours and repeat the cycle. Our biggest worry had been that she would trip over something wandering in the dark. But like I said, a year ago she stopped wandering around, and we stopped worrying.

Until last Wednesday, when my wife had to go to work unusually early. She found Victoria in the living room, on the dog bed, cuddled with our Alsatian. We talked to her about it that night, when no one was rushing to get anywhere, and found out that she had never stopped getting up in the middle of the night; She had just stayed in her room when she woke up, she said, because she didn’t want to disturb us. But one night a few months ago, she got bored enough that she crawled downstairs, played with the dog a bit, and ended up sleeping in his bed. It became a habit.

I believe about 80 percent of the story. But apparently she’s been sleeping with the dog for months, and gets up before us, and sneaks back into her room. If my wife hadn’t gotten up hours earlier than usual, we might never have known! She claims she sleeps better in the dog bed than alone. I’m worried about this, and I don’t know what to do except take her to another round of doctor appointments to get the same useless advice again. Do you have better ideas?

—Sleepless night daddy

Dear insomniac,

First of all, there is nothing strange about waking up every three hours. Many people do that. And you might have saved yourself a lot of worry if you had told her before she found out that if she woke up in the middle of the night, she should stay in her room where it was safe. I think you will then need to work with her to come up with some strategies for getting back to sleep. Breathing exercises. Read until she feels sleepy again. Listening to soothing music. I know there are parents who read this and think, “He doesn’t know how good he has it! At least the child doesn’t wake the parents up every time she wakes up and expects/needs them to help her fall back asleep!”

Also: What’s so bad about her sleeping with the dog? If the dog doesn’t mind, why would you? But one more idea: maybe the dog will offer her some comfort so she can go back to bed. You might consider putting the dog’s bed in her room and letting them share the room together.

—Michelle

More advice from Slate

I (37F) need help dealing with my husband’s (38M) family. He comes from a very toxic family, and while he wasn’t physically abused, he was certainly verbally and emotionally abused (including some neglect). His parents were always incredibly dismissive of him, quick to yell and swear, saw him as a nuisance unless he did something for them, rarely took him to the doctor, and loved to make fun of him in front of others. The stories he has shared have honestly horrified me and broken my heart for him.