Ruben Amorim’s ‘joke’ fails to land as his ‘fears’ are revealed

‘I AM NOT THE NEW FERGIE’ screams on the back page. You’d think the English tabloids would know a joke when they see one.

The curious case of photos of women
The Daily TelegraphMike McGrath has written 967 words about the working relationship between new Manchester United boss Ruben Amorim and Manchester City’s new director of football Hugo Viana.

Of those 967 words, 74 are about the fact that their wives run an interior design company together.

Not the first 74 words, not the last 74 words, but 74 words somewhere in the middle of those 967.

That’s why the article is of course headlined ‘The curious case of Ruben Amorim, Hugo Viana, their wives and the rivalry in Manchester’ and is illustrated with an image of two beautiful women.

Which must give Mike McGrath a very special feeling. Thanks for all the words, Mike, but look at these women: PHWWWOOOOOOAAAR.

That joke isn’t funny anymore
We have covered the farce of Sky Sports man Gary Cotterill harassing a Portuguese manager to speak English elsewhere in Portugal; we absolutely knew that Ruben Amorim jokes about being seen as ‘the next Sir Alex Ferguson’ would dominate the back pages regardless of Cotterill’s tantrum about somehow letting Manchester United fans down by speaking about his Portuguese team in Portuguese.

Jeremy Cross earned his comeuppance for the Reach empire by writing three back pages, although each opening paragraph was exactly the same: ‘Ruben Amorim fears Manchester United fans could call him the next Sir Alex Ferguson if he beats Pep Guardiola in the Champions tonight League down. .’

‘Fears’? The man was laughing. It was a joke. And the Little Englanders can’t blame a mistranslation, because a laugh sounds exactly the same in Portuguese. Like a dismissive snort, which should at least mean Cotterill has no doubts about where he stands.

The Daily Express took it a step further and shouted on the back page: ‘I AM NOT THE NEW FERGIE.’

Wow. Even the poetic-faced Daily Mail realized it was a joke.

MORE ABOUT MAN UTD FROM F365
Man Utd have to ‘get rid’ of four non-pressers while Mikel Arteta defended
Ruben Amorim takes the Sporting high ground for Man Utd while the embarrassing Gary Cotterill earns the ‘cold shoulder’
Man United sack Ten Hag and promptly drop the first points from the winning position all season

I was just joking, my dear
You know who else can recognize a joke? The Mirror‘s Sports Brand writer Samuel Meade.

He realized in all the wisdom of his sports brand that Ruben Amorim ‘joked that Sporting Lisbon’s result against Manchester City will raise expectations or dampen excitement ahead of his arrival at Manchester United’ and also ‘joked that Manchester City will have a ‘difficult club is to improve’. while discussing his relationship with Hugo Viana’.

That’s a lot of jokes; he should have dropped Jeremy Cross.

And yet here are the two headlines from the two pieces that begin describing Amorim’s ‘jokes’:

‘Ruben Amorim explains what will change for him at Man Utd after the Man City clash’

‘Ruben Amorim cannot hide his real feelings when he compares Man Utd with Man City’

Do words just mean nothing anymore? We’re just surprised he didn’t “break his silence” when he “showed his true colors.”

If I had a hammer…
Away from Manchester United, talkSPORT have an exclusive:

‘Frank Lampard tipped for Premier League job due to Chelsea legend’s links with Roma’

It’s quite a coup to get your hands on an exclusive one of your own talkSPORT Host for breakfast, as the tipster is indeed Jeff Stelling, who has no insight into the situation but claims West Ham would be “ideal” for Lampard, who has been out of work since winning one of 11 games as Chelsea’s agent .

Lampard would clearly not be ‘ideal’ for West Ham, which seems a more relevant question to ask, but our problem is not that Stelling is spouting nonsense (that’s his job), but that his employers are trumpeting this nonsense while Lampard is ‘tipped for shock’. Premier League job’ when it is literally an uninformed man’s opinion.

Still, the job was done, because we clicked. So who are the real d*cks here?

Edu du du
You probably know that by now Edu leaves Arsenal for high-flying Nottingham Forest. Arsenal will probably be quite concerned, but the Emphatic are here to allay their fears because ‘based on his latest act in the transfer market, this could be a blessing in disguise’.

Yes. Arsenal fans are breathing a huge sigh of relief as Edu is gone because… signing Raheem Sterling on loan has not been a roaring success.

And the relative lack of success certainly justifies this headline:

Edu’s latest Arsenal transfer call comes back to bite Gunners after a brutal six-word verdict

Did it ‘bit’ them? Surely it is a relatively low-risk loan agreement that has not yet been fully developed. Not very sexy, but true.

As for the “brutal six-word verdict”…we literally have no idea. There is no ‘brutal six-word verdict’ to be found in the entire article.

So we had to write ourselves: what nonsense.

Gammon cup of the day
‘Roy Keane makes feelings clear about wearing poppy after Joey Barton called him out’ – GB News.

And how did he ‘make his feelings clear about wearing poppies’?

Put it this way: Mediawatch today made its feelings clear about wearing cords.