10 Signs You're Dating a Very Narcissistic Man Even Though He Seemed Charming

He orders for you and you feel special and cared for. It runs on the outside of the street as you walk to the restaurant. He radiates chemistry.

He will touch you often, or if you don’t like public displays of affection, he will quickly notice and accommodate you. Charming is his middle name. It wouldn’t be surprising if he brought you a gift. Sounds a bit like the perfect man, doesn’t it?

I know and that makes it scary. So, is there any way to know how to spot a narcissist on the first date without him breaking your heart in the end?

Here are ten signs you are dating a highly narcissistic man:

1. He always makes the conversation about him

The narcissist has no choice but to focus the conversation back on himself. Whatever you’re talking about, he’ll take the first opportunity to talk about his own experiences.

On a first date this is charming because he is charismatic and funny. You may feel a little hurt that he isn’t curious about you, but you can shake it off because you don’t want to hurt his feelings. Look after, that 2010 study confirms that a narcissist often appears charming at first.

2. He shows no real interest in you

How to Instantly Spot a Narcissist on a First Date Prostock studio / Shutterstock

At the end of the night, is there anything he knows about you? Have you heard stories from childhood to now? Did he tell you about travel, pets and politics? Was he obsessed with wine tasting, sports or cars? If you feel a little neglected on the first date, don’t ignore it.

3. He is impatient and entitled

See how it handles delays and interference. If your table isn’t ready or the waiter is inattentive, a narcissist is having a fit. Complaints and accusations of poor service and bad tips are all how to spot a narcissist on the first date.

4. He’s picky about where you sit

Your date can be very picky about where you sit in the restaurant. He wants a table in a dominant place and certainly not near the kitchen or in a back corner. Narcissists see themselves as special and deserving of admiration and recognition, and they expect special treatment to come with that.

5. He makes you feel special so he can get something from you

How to Instantly Spot a Narcissist on a First Date Cottonbro studio / Pexels

When a narcissist is interested in something you have and feels you can meet a need of theirs, they will be all about you. They are experts at making you feel special; from ordering for you at the restaurant to paying attention when you walk in traffic, they will amaze you with attention. It’s all about satisfying their hunger for money, control or intimacy that motivates their affection for you.

6. He demands your full attention

Narcissists do not do well when they are distracted by someone or something else. He may be sarcastic and tease you about the time you spend on your cell phone or the time you spend talking about your day. He’s an expert at kidnapping conversations and it won’t be long before he’s talking about himself again. He loves be the center of attention.

7. He is socially savvy

Your date can be charming and sociable to the wait staff and other restaurant guests, as long as they give him attention and excellent service. He may have strong social skills and easily engage others in conversation.

But if you watch and listen, you will see that they are a new audience hearing his stories and laughing at his jokes. Even though it seems like he’s reaching out to others, it’s all about him.

8. He criticizes everything

Listen to a litany of complaints about his life, job, living situation or whatever he is talking about. Narcissists find fault all the time. Research from Harvard University confirms this Complaining is actually bad for your brain.

They send the mail about everything that they experience as an inconvenience. He may run a red light because he feels it has been red too long and he is tired of the city authorities controlling his traffic flow. (True story!)

9. He shows off how much money and time he spends on you

Manic to feel appreciated and irritated when he feels rejected, your date may make sure you know how expensive the dinner was and how much effort he put into getting the reservations or some other veiled complaint about all the effort he put in done… just for you. No matter how grateful you are, you never really feel like he believes it.

10. You have catastrophic chemistry

A classic sign of narcissism is intimate charm and chemistry. According to That of the New Republic Jeffrey Kluger“Men who score high on measures of narcissism, impulsive sensationalism, or exploitation — not to mention those who score high on all measures, as some do — also tend to outdo other men in several intimate encounters in a given week , month or week.”

Good girls are inexplicably attracted to bad boys. The hotter the chemistry, the faster you have to run away. If your date has any of these tendencies, they may fall within the normal range of narcissism, which means you can approach this challenge with humor and clear boundaries. But if there are warning signs, honor them.

Move slowly and get to know this man. Vet him like your life depends on it, because one day that might happen. If you have any doubts, move on before you move in.

Bad boys are attractive and exciting. Adding toxic narcissism to the mix can create a trap that an aroused woman can easily fall into. Make sure you have a friend or family member you can confide in and be honest about this man. Take your time and get to know him before you get too involved.

If you think you are experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of persistent emotional abuse from a narcissist, you are not alone. Domestic violence can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or what you have done wrong. If you feel you are in danger, 24/7/365 support is available through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you cannot speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474.

Catherine Behan is a highly trained dating coach, freelance writer and editor. She currently works as a Law of Attraction and Success Coach, using her expertise in EFT to help people attract abundance into their lives.