Snoob: The Tricky Art of Embracing Silence

Imagine. You’re talking to a stranger, friend, or group of old college friends at a bar, and then… it happens. You’re out of words. The energy falls off a cliff. You just stand there. The silence pours in and no one seems to know how to bring the conversation back to life.

This particular form of silence was recently discussed on my podcast, Fifty words for snowwhere my co-host Emily Garcés and I explore unique words from around the world that have no direct English equivalents. In a segment we call There should be a word for thatwe invite guests who have created words for nuanced experiences that English doesn’t quite capture. Recently, my friend Eric Giancoli joined us to introduce a term he coined for this uncomfortable, vulnerable gap in the conversation: “the snob.”

A snob is that awful, dangling silence in an interaction, an awkward pause so awkward it feels like you’re running naked across the room. But here’s the twist: Eric doesn’t run from the snob. He loves it. He leans into it. At first I didn’t believe him, but he swears it’s true.

Why We Fear the Snoob

Research shows that silence in conversations disrupts the subtle but reassuring feedback loop we rely on to gauge the quality of our social encounters (Brown, 2003). When this loop is interrupted, our mind seizes the silence and turns it into a mirror, reflecting every conceivable uncertainty: Am I boring? Are they bored? Have I mentioned my concerns about the extension of the pumpkin spice season more than once? In this little brain loop of insecurity, the snob swells and multiplies.

To some, the snob is murderously clumsy. For others, like Eric, it’s exciting. Why? Personality species play a role. Extroverts– who need a steady flow back and forth to feel comfortable – often find these silences unbearable. IntrovertsHowever, snobs see snobs as part of the natural rhythm of the conversation, an essential pause that gives them time to gather their thoughts and restore their inner balance (Cain, 2012).

The Snoob and emotional intelligence

People who can stay in this awkward silence, who don’t immediately reach for filler words or polite banalities, are often better listeners. In their willingness to linger, they open themselves up to really hearing what was said, without the distraction of planning their next comment. Studies show that allowing such breaks can improve performance self-regulationpromote empathy and even build trust between conversation partners (Krauss & Fussell, 1991). Far from a void, the snob can be a space for connection, a moment of unspoken mutual recognition.

The Quaker Approach to the Snoob

My co-host Emily shared something fascinating. She recently attended a Quaker meeting, where people sit together in intentional, reverent silence. Picture it: an old friends meeting house, where the sunlight streams in through the tall windows and casts soft patterns on the worn wooden pews. People are scattered around the room, not saying anything, just sitting quietly together, some with their eyes closed, others staring softly into space, all in a shared, reverent silence. Emily said it was a little awkward at first, like being stuck in an elevator with strangers while struggling with her inner monologue. But then something extraordinary happened: the silence no longer felt empty. Instead, it became a kind of presence, a shared, supportive atmosphere that dissolved the usual need to perform or impress.

This may be the snob’s untapped potential. When people come together in silence, they experience a deep trust, a realization that there does not always have to be something to say. Emily calls this “the Quaker Challenge” – the challenge of holding space in silence without seeking the comfort of filler sentences. In this silent act of presence, the snob transforms from an awkward interruption into a subtle affirmation that it is okay, even natural, not to speak.

Snoob as a mindfulness exercise

Herein lies the wonder of the snob: it is essentially a form of mindfulnessan invitation to exist fully in the present. By remaining in this peculiar silence, we are confronted with a space that feels strange yet deeply human, a space that challenges us to hold our own vulnerability without flinching. We may even find in the snob’s heart a moment of calm, a rare, gentle peace in a world that urges us to fill every gap with words (Kabat-Zinn, 1990).

Embrace your inner Snoob hero

Eric admitted that snobs aren’t always easy, but they’re worth it. And maybe he’s on to something. So maybe the next time you’re in a snob, you can take a deep breath, stay calm, and say, “Well, this is awkward.” Make it your new favorite challenge. Be brave. Lean into it.

Because here’s the thing: we live in a world where we are constantly expected to perform, entertain, and keep every moment undisturbed. But a real connection—the kind that’s honest, weird, and a little strange—sometimes requires a snob. So embrace it. Make snobs your new mindfulness practice, your new moment of courage. After all, what is a little silence between friends?