Adrian Barich: How would you handle a “silent retreat” where talking and even laughing out loud are forbidden?

On November 24, 2024By Pranco

This is going to sound a little strange, since I’m a guy who basically makes a living by talking, but I’m going to talk about silence.

Five days in fact during a “silent” retreat in the south. My neighbor just completed one and she says it’s definitely worth checking out.

Now, I don’t know about you, but in my mind I pictured a quiet retreat as a place where you laze around reading books, eating healthy, and just smiling a lot. Mostly at people, unless you’re the guy who looks lovingly at his breakfast every morning before eating it.

But no, you have to do things – like meditate, sit cross-legged for as long as possible and try to achieve oneness with the universe.

Apparently, silent meditation allows the body and mind to rest and reset, promoting deeper connection and increasing self-awareness and insight.

And we all need a better understanding, right? How many people have no idea how they really behave and suffer from a complete lack of self-awareness? Sometimes the aging process will lead to realization, but not always.

Have you ever looked back on your life and thought, “Oh my God, I can’t believe I did that. . . or acted like that. . . Or did you say that?” It’s that kind of wisdom we’re looking for, and perhaps silent retreats will speed up that process.

I’m told that after a few days you get to a point where you can silence both the internal and external chatter, leading to a state of mental clarity and physical healing that can be deeply rejuvenating.

Apparently you suffer from what they hilariously call ‘monkey mind’, where your thoughts jump in all directions.

Do you think you can hack it? Can you put away your phone, laptop and watch and be offline for a whole week? I’m more introverted than extroverted and even I doubted my ability to adapt, especially to the ‘no talking’ rule.

The extroverts among us hate not being available; they think the world cannot survive without them. I think of some friends of mine who I would call overachievers and who would be very uncomfortable without any technology. It would be like cutting off an arm.

Remember that laughing out loud is also forbidden, so try biting your tongue when loudly flatulence.

It seems that these silent retreats could force the highly driven among us to let go of their aggressive crusader spirit, which some say could even be reminiscent of a narcissistic personality.

But the not talking part is what fascinates me. Clearly, some humor must be derived from using hand gestures to communicate; that can cause hilarious bloopers.

I’m not sure if saying words is considered cheating, but that would be a hoot too. I can just imagine myself saying, “Where’s the bloody sugar,” while making a digging and tilting motion with your hand in your coffee cup.

Are you allowed to drink coffee at all or is that also prohibited? I have to check it. Giving up both coffee and talking would be almost impossible, right?

I’m told that the people leading the retreats even use a Sanskrit word that basically translates as “shut up and meditate.”

The other thing I like is that I believe that when you come home from a five-day retreat and come out of a deep introspective experience, you feel superior to everyone around you for at least a few days (until the feeling goes away and you return). on your normal bad habits). And guess what? You also humbly brag to everyone you know about your achievements at the Monastery in Serpentine.

Some people won’t, of course – for them it’s a life-changing event – but for many of us we will succumb to human weakness again.

I’m sure if I went to a retreat I would think, “Wow, I should have bought a camera crew; this could really be a great story that could help change the world,” which would obviously mean missing the whole point of the exercise.

Finally, some funny side effects, as mentioned in the latest brochure: after meditating for more than six hours a day, prepare to literally crawl out of the meditation room; prepare for body explosions, these are always hilarious, it’s the high fiber vegetarian diet; Remember that laughing out loud is also forbidden, so try biting your tongue when loudly flatulence.

I actually have a great idea for a retreat: a retreat for ‘pets and their owners’. After all, who doesn’t think their dog is the best “person” they know?

And if it was a quiet retreat, I’m sure after a while you’d think your pets were actually talking to you, “Give me some more of that tofu, will you please daddy?” However, I am allergic to avocado.”