I am shocked by his behavior this summer before his scholarship, by Dr. Robert Wallace

DR WALLACE: I am what you would call a late bloomer. I was always a quiet girl in high school until my sophomore year, but at the encouragement of a friend, I joined the varsity cheerleading squad and, to my surprise, I was selected.

At the end of the college football season, one of the star players on our team asked me out, and we began what has been a pretty good relationship over the past year.

He received a scholarship to a prestigious local university, and I was accepted into the same university based on my academic merits.

We took advantage of this summer to have more free time and get to know each other better, and since we’re both over 18, we can pretty much make our own life decisions these days.

I care about him a lot, but I have been absolutely shocked by the amount of partying he has been doing this offseason this summer. I am sure his football coaches who recruited him would be shocked if they knew exactly what is going on with him in terms of drinking and substance use. He has encouraged me to attend his parties on several occasions, but so far I have resisted his coercion.

I’ve never been a party girl and I don’t see myself becoming one. I’m starting to realize that I either need to calm him down or move on pretty quickly. Do you have any advice for me on how to keep him from doing all this nonsense this summer? — In a sticky situation, via email.

IN A DELICATE SITUATION: There is absolutely no easy way to get another person to see the light as you see it or to bend their will toward a lifestyle you prefer.

I commend you for realizing this situation for yourself, including resisting his offers and thinking carefully about your situation before acting. You would be wise not to follow him down the tunnel of alcoholism and drug addiction that he is currently engaged in.

The best advice I can give you is to get him to sit down with you and discuss the whole situation openly and thoroughly. Point out the great opportunities that are available to him and get him to really think about the risks he is taking in his life and the great opportunities that his current behavior is offering him.

It is entirely possible that he could suffer physical problems or be suspended from the team if his behavior and drug addiction are exposed. Worse yet, he could harm other human beings if his reckless behavior continues.

Either of these outcomes would be devastating, but he still has the opportunity to avoid them. Make this clear to him and tell him that you will work with him to try to change his behavior.

If he is serious about making these changes, your support will be very helpful to him. If he completely rejects your suggestions and persists in his current path, you would be better off parting ways, focusing on your studies and looking for greener pastures through a new relationship in due course.

I HAVE A “WEIGHT” PROBLEM

DR WALLACE: I play football in high school and I have to get ready for the upcoming school year. I find myself in a very strange situation: I have to gain weight this summer rather than lose it.

My coaches told me they needed me to gain 10 to 15 pounds as soon as possible. I’m a lineman, and big guys like me are the ones who work “in the trenches” during our football games.

My mom wants to pamper me with ice cream, cake, cookies, and sugary soda this summer because she loves that I’m a starter on my team and wants to help me please my coaches.

My dad is worried that all this junk food is doing me more harm than good. He likes football, but it’s not as important to him as it is to my mom. Who should I listen to in this situation? — A lineman who needs to gain weight

A LINEMAN WHO NEEDS TO GAIN WEIGHT: In my opinion, your father is right. Your mother means well, but there is probably a way to gain weight in a healthier way.

Consider eating more meals per day, but stick to your overall diet with some adjustments. Eat as many snacks as possible between meals, such as frozen yogurt shakes and blended juice drinks.

You can also eat as much yogurt, dried fruits and unsalted nuts as you can between your regular meals.

It may also be a good idea to consult a local nutritionist and explain your situation in great detail. I am sure you also have a bodybuilding program going on that includes weight lifting, so talk to your weight room trainer about what he or she considers the best diet for you to follow at this stage of your life.

Dr. Robert Wallace is happy to answer reader questions. While he cannot answer all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at (email protected). To learn more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read articles by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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