The dark side of teenagers using social media.

As I was preparing dinner for my four children after a busy day at work, I couldn’t help but notice my daughter’s phone sitting on the kitchen counter, buzzing with message after message.

It was relentless, and while I was tempted to sneak a peek at every book that briefly appeared on her lock screen, I was reminded of how important privacy is to teenagers. I need my daughter to trust me as we begin to navigate the potentially emotional years ahead.

Give Caja her own phone and later social media It wasn’t something I took lightly. I set data limits, time limits, enabled security settings, and sat him down to talk about the dangers of strangers online. and the importance of proper publication. “It’s there forever, you know,” I warned her. Even then, I knew she didn’t really understand the gravity of it.

Video: The Impact of Social Media on Teens. Article continues after video.

But on the other hand, I didn’t want her to feel left out. Most of her friends had gotten phones a year ago, and technology is the primary means of communication these days. Just because I’d prefer more in-person meetings doesn’t mean that’s going to happen.

It was only a few months later, when a TikTok trend, “I love receiving sweet messages” It started going viral with teenagers sharing the scary messages they had received, so much so that I realised how dark and dangerous it was.

It was Caja who told me about the trend with the same casualness with which she let me know she was going to do an outfit reveal for Taylor Swift.

To her it was both funny and disgusting, but not dangerous and probably illegal.

When I saw the messages, I was horrified. One of them said:

“Would you send me nudes if I paid?” followed by a screenshot of his Australian bank account balance. “I’ll pay you $300 to make me cum and send you another one?”

Screenshot of Caja’s phone, which has been receiving unsolicited messages from men. Image: Supplied.

And it didn’t stop there.

“What color are your underwear?”

“What color is your pee?”

“You should shit on my face“

Screenshot of Caja’s phone, which has been receiving unsolicited messages from men. Image: Supplied.

And when she didn’t respond with the desired photos”

“I want to kill myself.”

“Can you help please?”

“I’m killing myself now.”

“Good luck when the police come for you.”

Screenshot of Caja’s phone. Image: Supplied.

The fact that she wasn’t that bothered made me as worried as I would have been if she had been upset or scared.

I have no idea who is behind these messages, whether they are teenagers or adult men. Are they really strangers or do we really know them?

But she’s desensitized. Friends have received similar messages, girls on TikTok post much worse ones.

I didn’t ban it. I didn’t panic and start making it the deal I knew it was. Instead, I gasped with her. I rolled my eyes at their various attempts to extract illicit photos of a minor. A young girl. My daughter.

At least I felt safe knowing she was sharing them with me and while I could see she had initially responded to a few, she wasn’t engaging.

Instead, I realized she was just like every other woman who had to navigate sexist and problematic men who give her unwanted attention and make special demands on her body.

“Good practice for when she finds a job,” I thought. “Learn these essential life skills from an early age.”

And honestly, as sad as it may seem, I’m realistic and can’t imagine she won’t curl up on him.

But I really worry about the girls who aren’t sharing their private messages, who may have gotten involved and are now so deep into something dangerous that they don’t know how to stop it.

For these and other reasons, I support the proposal to ban under-16s from accessing social media.

Listen to Help! I Have A Teenager where we tackle a common dilemma: what to do when your tween asks you for a phone? And how young is too young? Article continues after audio.

Caja, who is now 16, also supports him.

But I also know that kids are very tech savvy and will find ways around it. I’m certainly not in favor of sending proof of identity on social media platforms, so I haven’t yet seen how that could be regulated.

So, for my part, when my three sons reach that age, I will continue to educate them about their online safety, with a focus on unsolicited private messages, especially from them.

Jonica Bray is a journalist and proud adoptive mom. You can follow her on Instagram @les.wandertwins.

If this has caused you any problems or you just feel like you need to talk to someone, please call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) – the national sexual assault, domestic and family violence advice service.

Main image: provided.

Calling all Australians aged 16 and over! Complete our survey now for your chance to win a $50 voucher.