Multitasking is the norm for moms, but for me, it’s become a silent killer

II’ve always considered myself a champion multitasker. I’m definitely one of the best at it—one study found that only 2.5 percent of people can do it effectively. But I’m also sick of it. It’s a silent killer. When you put your kid’s swimsuit in the oven at breakfast time, you know something is seriously wrong.

It doesn’t matter if you call it “multitasking,” “rapid task switching,” or “chronic media multitasking”—it’s all the same to me. It leaves me feeling empty. I find myself staring out the window and wondering, “What the hell was I trying to do?” My eyes hurt. I watch TV while scrolling through Instagram and reading headlines on my phone, which is called “media multitasking.” My brain is foggy—and it’s not menopause. My mind can’t process the information that’s coming at me from all directions.

According to research, multitasking is bad for your health: it causes stress and can rewire your brain in negative ways. It can also make you less intelligent: a study from the University of London found that women suffered a 5% drop in IQ when they multitasked, compared to 15% for men. And while we might think that multitasking makes us more efficient, it doesn’t. Research from the American Psychological Association found that the habit can reduce productivity by 40%.

Mindless eating is also linked to media multitasking: People swallow air while munching on food, leading to increased symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome. It can also lead to overeating. A study, published in the journal Brain imaging and behaviorfound that people who multitask on media are more likely to eat high-calorie foods – and that decreases self-control.

Women, however, are no better at multitasking than men, according to a 2019 study by two university psychologists in Germany and published in the journal PLOS OneMultitasking is also one of the causes of “mum rage,” according to Minna Dubin, the American author of 2023 Mothers’ Anger: The Daily Crisis of Modern Motherhood.

“Multitasking is also about working too much,” Dubin says. “Overwork eventually leads to overwhelm, which is one of the causes of mothers’ anger.” When a mother gets angry, she tells me, it feels like a sudden outburst. “But in reality, the anger has been building imperceptibly over days, weeks, or even months, as she’s been upset and stressed.” Part of the reason for this is that mothers are “forced” to multitask, she explains.

“Mothers become adept at multitasking because they are abandoned by society and often by their own families, and forced to do an unsustainable amount of work alone,” she tells me. “In a society that views mothers as the primary parent, that doesn’t provide parents with enough structural support, and that doesn’t believe that raising the next generation should be a communal endeavor, what choice do mothers have?”

In a society that views mothers as the primary parents, that does not provide parents with enough structural support, and that does not believe that raising the next generation should be a community endeavor, what choice do mothers have?

Minna Dubin, author of “Mum Rage”

Dr. Faye Begeti, aka The Brain Doctor on Instagram and author of 2024 The Phone Fix: The Brain-Driven Guide to Creating Healthy Digital Habits and Breaking Bad Onesis a neuroscientist and neurologist. She says that when you’re trying to do two complex tasks at once, your brain engages in a process called “attention switching”: it quickly switches from one task to another. “This isn’t inherently bad for your health, but it can be cognitively draining, which is why parents often feel mentally exhausted.”

This state of mental exhaustion, which she calls “low-power mode”—similar to the state our devices enter to conserve energy—leads to decreased focus, increased procrastination, and a greater likelihood of falling into bad habits. “It also impairs emotional regulation, making parents in ‘low-power mode’ more irritable. At the end of the day, an exhausted parent may have no energy left for anything but scrolling on their phone or binge-watching TV.”

Dr. Begeti adds that while multitasking is essential for parents, as their brains are constantly focused on monitoring and protecting their children, the best way to replenish our mental energy and avoid “low mode” is to take plenty of mental breaks and rest periods — beyond just sleeping. “However,” she adds, “not all parents have the luxury of time or resources to do this.” In an attempt to squeeze in some “me time,” people may stay up late, which cuts into their sleep — a phenomenon known as “sleep procrastination,” she explains. “Good sleep is the cornerstone of good brain health.”

Dr. Aditi Nerurkar, Harvard stress expert and author of 2024 The 5 Resetssays there is another method. “It’s called monotasking,” she says happily. But she warns that it takes time: up to eight weeks to train the brain to focus on one thing at a time by setting a timer and focusing on a task for five minutes, then taking a one-minute break, before increasing the time intervals.

Dr. Nerurkar warns me that multitasking impacts the prefrontal cortex, an area of ​​the brain responsible for cognition, memory, attention, and complex problem-solving. That’s why single-tasking with “brain breaks” is key to recalibrating the stress response and maintaining or even improving productivity. In times when you’re feeling overwhelmed, she suggests using the three-second reset technique: “Stop, breathe, be.” Or a technique called “sticky feet,” which is good for parents on the go: “You basically keep your mind where your feet are.” She adds, “Anxiety is a future-focused emotion. These techniques help you get out of the ‘what if?’ thinking.”

Dr Libby Weaver, nutritional biochemist and author of Busy Woman Syndromesays women are still doing worse. Research shows that if a woman and a man both work full-time and have a child, she does twice as much housework and three times as much childcare as he does.

This is having a huge impact on women’s health. “The need to rush, whether women are aware of it or not, is having a very negative impact on women’s health as we know it,” she says. “Sex hormone-related health issues, such as heavy and painful periods, ‘unexplained’ infertility, and debilitating menopause transitions, not to mention general exhaustion, have never been greater. The role of stress in this is undeniable when you consider both body chemistry and scientific research.”

Multitasking took off with the advent of portable devices — from our cell phones in the ’90s to the smartphones we have today — she explains. “Between our devices and our messaging systems, our laptops and Wi-Fi, we’re asking our bodies to go places they’ve never gone before … to be reachable 24/7.”

Awareness is the first step toward healing, she says. “Even if it feels like it’s not happening, we always have a choice.” Stopping rushing doesn’t necessarily mean doing less. “It’s about getting to the heart of what’s causing you to feel like everything needs to be done with immense pressure and urgency.”

I’m determined to give it a shot: I want to transform my relationship with stress. I’ve set my timer. I’m a single-tasking mom. Let’s just hope nothing unexpected happens.