My cousin is ready to fly abroad and get married, but I’m afraid it’s a scam

Dear Eric, I have a cousin who recently told me that he was “in love” with a woman who lives in a foreign country and that he was planning to marry her. He would have to fly back to her country and get married, leaving behind his son, grandson, and mother, who lives in a nursing home.

He has never met this woman and I fear that this whole thing is a scam. I found out that the country is a country where foreigners cannot have property in their name, so anything he would buy would only be in her name. What should I tell him? I don’t want to crush him.

— Worried cousin

Dear Cousin: You are right to be concerned. Romance scams are quite common. They often start online, scammers quickly declare their love, suddenly need money and then disappear. It is a huge red flag that your cousin’s relationship is forcing him to leave the country and get married. I know you don’t want to break him, but he could be in real danger and a broken heart is the best option.

First, be upfront about your concerns and your reasons. Use the FBI’s section on romance scams to explain to your cousin the similarities in his life. Ask him for pictures of his fiancée and do a reverse image search using Google or another search engine to see if they are stock photos or if they are associated with someone else. Ask him to tell you about his plans for his family, for his mother’s care, and his plans after the wedding. Be inquisitive but kind.

Loneliness is a major issue for many adults, especially as we get older. Assure him that he’s not wrong for wanting companionship. Tell him that just because it’s a scam doesn’t mean he’s not worthy of love in real life. Remind him that he’s not alone. According to the Federal Trade Commission, more than 64,000 romance scams were reported in 2023, netting $1.14 billion. That doesn’t take into account the personal upheaval that can result.

Ask your cousin to slow down for his own safety and that of his family. If he insists and you still have concerns, you can also report the suspected fraud to the FTC or the FBI Cybercrime Complaint Center.

(Send your questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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