Readers shocked by advice given to woman frustrated by having to host her husband’s boyfriend and his wife

DEAR ABBY: I was shocked by your response to “Hosted Out” (March 28), which was frustrated at having to host, feed, and entertain her husband’s hunting buddy and his wife several times a year. I accepted your suggestion that she stay somewhere else while these friends stay at her house so that her husband would (hopefully) see the light when he is the one doing the cooking and hosting. But then you commented that you can’t believe the friend’s wife doesn’t help cook and entertain, and how lazy and insensitive she must be. Abby, have you been caught in a time warp? Why do you think the hunting buddy gets a free pass to cook and help out during their stay when HE gets all the perks? And how could you possibly criticize his wife, the innocent bystander? Are you honestly saying it’s HER JOB to cook and clean for these guys because she’s a woman? I hope you’re back to the 2020s by now. — JULIE IN COLORADO

DEAR JULIE: I received a lot of criticism for the comment I made at the end of my response to “Hosted Out” – enough cold water to dampen the wet noodles I use for self-flagellation. Read more:

DEAR ABBY: I was astounded that you thought the woman in the visiting couple deserved more blame than either man. All three are guilty of letting this happen. “Hosted Out” wrote that she didn’t want to ruin their friendship. Wouldn’t running away to a hotel do that kind of damage?

When my husband and I have guests over for more than three days, I explain right from the start that this gives them “the right to be part of the family.” I tell them where the food and supplies are, that everyone is “on their own” for breakfast and lunch, but that we will all work together to prepare a sit-down dinner each night. My guests always seem relieved when I share this plan with them. — SHERI IN WASHINGTON

DEAR SHERI: I wish I had made that suggestion…

DEAR ABBY: You have advised “Hosted Out” to leave her home when these guests visit. Why should she leave to host these ignorant people? An honest and considerate approach to her friends, indicating that she has decided to reduce the number of visitors and the time spent entertaining, should suffice. — BEVERLY, MICHIGAN

DEAR BEVERLY: I think if she did that, she would encounter a lot of resistance from her husband, who is an avid hunter!

DEAR ABBY: Why do wives have to do all the work? Maybe next time, “Hosted Out” should plan only the meals her husband has to cook on the barbecue. — KAREN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR KAREN: A few years ago, the responsibility for entertaining people fell primarily to women. Today, with so many women in the workforce, those responsibilities are generally shared. I want to thank my readers for reminding me of that.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.