Loud and Silent: Men’s Mental Health

“As a male athlete, I think I felt the need to be big, macho and beefy.
We are taught to keep things to ourselves and to consider sharing our feelings as a sign of weakness.
I was almost ashamed of the things I was going through and feeling.
“I also felt like I was trapped and couldn’t open up to anyone.”
– Michael Phelps

Men who struggle with emotional and mental health issues are, in general, less likely to seek help than women. This reluctance to seek help can have significant consequences: negative impacts on work and school, relationship difficulties, feelings of loneliness and isolation, worsening symptoms, and even suicide. The stakes can be high. According to the CDC, in 2022, the suicide rate for men was nearly four times higher than for women: “Men make up 50% of the population, but nearly 80% of suicides.”

Men who avoid or delay seeking help may turn to unhealthy coping strategies, such as substance use, which makes the situation worse.

There are several theories as to why men avoid seeking treatment. Stigma appears to be a major factor. Mental illness is already associated with many negative attitudes and misperceptions, but the stigma against men appears to be even worse.

Media portrayals of mental illness are particularly distorted and disturbing. For men in particular, the portrayal of mental illness is often associated with violence and criminality. Men may internalize these stereotypes and fear being labeled “crazy,” “psychotic,” or dangerous.

Western society tends to view certain traits as masculine, including strength, confidence, independence, and tenacity. Men may fear that if people find out they have depression or anxiety or seek help from a mental health professional, they will be seen as weak or helpless. They fear being judged as a burden or failure rather than a “productive” employee. Men are often socialized to be (or appear to be) self-reliant instead of seeking help.

For men, shame can be a particularly powerful barrier to seeking care. They may feel embarrassed about being depressed, having panic attacks, suffering from an eating disorder, or having suicidal thoughts. They may fear ridicule, loss of social status, loss of job, or dismissal from the team. They may feel that they would lose the respect of their spouse or other family members. Shame and secrecy leave people feeling isolated and hopeless, and cause them to suffer alone.

Another important factor is that men are traditionally raised not to share their emotions or show vulnerability. Boys tend to have few openly emotional male role models. As a result, they are less likely to learn to recognize and describe different feelings, making it harder to determine whether they are depressed or anxious. They may notice physical symptoms such as low energy, palpitations, loss of libido, or insomnia without making the connection to their psychological state or stressors. Men with mental health issues often seek primary care for physical complaints.

Male sports culture has traditionally tended to emphasize a certain version of masculinity: don’t show your pain, “keep playing,” “get over it,” vulnerability is dangerous, and hiding your feelings. Recently, several influential and respected male athletes have come forward with their mental health issues and normalized seeking help. In fact, they’ve worked to redefine asking for help as a strength, something to be proud of. Michael Phelps is a good example, sharing his experiences with depression and suicidal thoughts, the courage it took for him to open up and seek help, and how treatment saved his life.

NFL player Bobby Wagner put it best when he spoke openly about the emotional distress he felt in 2023 when another player, Damar Hamlim, collapsed on the field in cardiac arrest after a tackle. “You have traumatic experiences; you have to find a way to deal with them. The best way to deal with them is to express those feelings. What we’re taught to do in this sport, because it’s such a ‘manly’ sport, is to hide your feelings, to hide your emotions, and any expression of those feelings and emotions makes you less of a man. I think that’s a myth. Talking about your feelings, talking about things that affect you mentally, physically, is more manly than anything, because it takes a lot of courage to talk about those things.”

For men, peer support can be a particularly positive and effective way to cope with emotional difficulties. Connecting with other men who have shared similar experiences of masculinity and social expectations can provide much-needed support and reassurance. These experiences can help men move from feelings of shame and loneliness to hope, strength, and self-efficacy.

In truth, revealing one’s psychological pain and seeking help involves many of the qualities we traditionally associate with masculinity, including courage, honesty, problem-solving, tenacity, and perseverance. The stigma is completely false!

If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org