Texting can be frustrating for some people when it comes to politeness. Here are some (and even more) tips

Dear readers:

Thanks for your comments on my recent column “Have Manners Been Forgotten?” and I’ve come back with more questions:

One reader said this: The most frustrating situation for me is that some of my current and potential clients seem to think that they can text or call me at any time of the day or night, even on Saturdays and Sundays, simply because I am self-employed. I have provided my mobile number so that I can more easily receive calls or texts, since I do not have a secretary. While it can be very useful to be able to receive calls or texts even when I am on the go, I guess I do not appreciate being called or texted at 10pm with a question that could have waited until the next day during normal business hours. I feel that because I am self-employed, I am obligated to answer all texts and calls because I have a business to run, but am I wrong if I think it is inconsiderate?

A. Unfortunately, what you describe is not an uncommon phenomenon and, yes, it is inconsiderate. We seem to have a somewhat impatient and “we have to do it now” mentality. Part of the problem is that we live in a 24-hour world, because we can pay our bills over the phone 24 hours a day, book a flight, a hotel room, donate to charity, fill out a survey, and so on.

So it may seem natural for some to call or text their babysitter, painter, gardening company, hairdresser, dog groomer, or whoever else to leave a message or ask a question. They then check that task off their list and move on to the next item on their to-do list. Either way, it’s inconsiderate and inconsistent.

I suggest you add a voicemail message that says, “I appreciate your call, but I do not answer calls after (state time). Please call back after (state time) in the morning, or leave a message with your phone number and I will call you back after (state time, e.g. 8am).”

If it’s a text message, turn on the “Dianne has turned off notifications” option. Below that is the “Notify anyway” option if it’s actually an emergency.

Reader’s Comment: This is a pet peeve of mine. I have a problem with dog owners who don’t pick up after their dogs when they do their business in my yard! I think it’s inexcusable and just plain rude. I’ve seen them do this when I’ve been at my office window and had to stop myself from running outside and yelling at them to pick up after them, but I realize that it could cause more problems than just dog poop in my yard. So what if I put a little sign in my yard asking people to please pick up after their dogs?

A. I agree – disgusting and inconsiderate! Yes, I suggest you try the sign.

Reader’s Comment: In response to your question: “What is an appropriate time frame to respond to a friend’s text or voicemail?” I believe a response should be provided the same day if possible. Even if I don’t have the answer to someone’s question, I at least acknowledge that I received their question and will respond the next day or as soon as possible.

A. I agree and here is the response I received from most of my readers who commented. There were also these questions:

Q. What do you do if you have a friend who has a reputation for not responding to your messages promptly? She keeps telling me she’d rather I call her?

A. Believe it or not, there are people, even younger ones, who would rather talk than text. And that’s okay. It’s a personal preference, and if you’re their true friend, why not just pick up the phone and call?

Q. I hate texting that doesn’t have sentences in it because I’m older and I use one finger instead of my thumbs to type at a hundred words per minute. What if you have a friend who prefers texting to talking and sends you really long messages that you’re supposed to respond to with a long message? My friend thinks I’m “really late” and I get some kind of reminder every time I pick up the phone and call her instead of texting her, and she also tells me I’m just stubborn.

A. Guess what, you have no problem even if you don’t like texting! It’s time to make your friend value your calls instead of nagging you about your texting skills or preferences. You can also ask him, as a friend, to value your preferred method of communication.

My next column will be more positive. Feel free to send me your story or an event in which someone was more polite or brightened your day. If you see me, feel free to ask me, or send me an email at [email protected].