Wife’s revelations lead man to consider divorce

I have trouble even looking at her now. I want to tell her I want a divorce, but I’m looking for a second opinion on what I should do. Am I being ridiculous for wanting a divorce because of things that happened 35 years ago? – PLAYED IN MISSOURI

DEAR RELEASE: Consent laws can be confusing and change over time, and a lot can depend on the age of each partner. However, rape is rape. When your wife was 15 and 16, an ADULT could also be breaking the law by having sex with her, even consensually. After all this, she could have benefited from counseling (if any were offered).

Your wife may not have discussed this previously because she was afraid that her reaction would be as exaggerated as it has been. Before you decide to divorce her for being victimized as a teenager, I recommend that you consult a licensed therapist, either alone or with her. If you do this, you will have a better perspective.

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DEAR ABBY: My first true adult love was a woman named “Sasha.” We had a whirlwind romance in the mid-80s. At the time, I thought she was the only one. The romance ended when she told me she was married. The last time I saw her was with her husband in a nightclub in the 80s.

I moved on and married someone else in 1990. However, sometimes I think about Sasha. I don’t remember her married surname, so I can’t locate her. My wife thinks it’s crazy that I want to talk to Sasha. I want to ask her if our relationship was real and if she loved me. As I traveled through the area where I met Sasha, I would look at people to see if I could find her. Do you think I’m crazy for wanting to just have one conversation with Sasha? – AUGUST IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FRIEND: It’s been 40 years since your whirlwind romance with Sasha. What was a whirlwind romance for you may have been an adventure for her. She should have told you from the beginning that she was married, but she didn’t, which leads me to think she didn’t love you. People who love each other try to protect each other. Which brings me to your question. No, I don’t think you’re crazy, but I think it’s time to stop trying to revisit the past.

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TO MY READERS: Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, begins at sundown. During this 24-hour period, observant Jewish people fast, engage in reflection and prayer, and formally repent of any sin that may have been committed during the previous Hebrew year. To all of you watching – may your fast be meaningful. – LOVE, ABBY

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Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and more sociable person, order “How to Be Popular.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, PO Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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