Conservative Officials Caught Betting on How Many Conservative Officials Are Involved in Election Betting Scandal

As a fourth Tory official has been placed under investigation by the gambling watchdog for effectively using insider trading to bet on the date of the general election, bookmakers have seen a massive influx of Tory officials betting on how many bottom-feeding conservative crooks there will end up being. caught in the scandal.

Bookmaker Simon Williams said: “We’ve seen quite a few here recently, you can still recognize them – taking simmering sips of Dom Pérignon to work up the courage to go in, you’d rather intravenously inject concentrated Norovirus than to share the same air as people using the High Street bookies… usually wearing their most relaxed Saville Row fits to blend in with the crowd.

“I give them a minute to get over the shock of interacting with a working class person and tell them to place these bets on their phone, but apparently there are serious concerns about leaving a paper trail identifiable, so cash was probably the best solution.

“Yet they all have the same precise number in mind when placing their bets. I said to one of them, “Do you know something I don’t know?” ” as a joke, but he just laughed awkwardly and responded vaguely that the hazing ritual at Eton involved a lot of different woodland creatures, which, to be honest, I didn’t know about… I highly suspected it, but I did not know.

Conservative HQ, which now faces an average of one scandal every 97 minutes, has once again called on James Cleverley to deal with the deepening crisis, with Cleverly telling reporters: “This problem of game is really the last thing we needed.

“Now everyone will associate this government with cronyism and people lining their pockets through morally dubious and illegal means.

“Which is obviously an opinion that no voter had expressed a week ago. »