My Son Won't Stop Being Gay; I Think He's Trying to Hurt Me

Dear readers: Today I hope you enjoy a re-post of one of the most infuriating questions I’ve ever posted (slightly edited for space).

Dear Amy: I recently discovered that my 17 year old son is gay. We are part of a religious group and I fear that if the members of this group find out, they will make fun of me for having a gay child.

He won’t listen to reason and he won’t stop being gay. I feel like he’s just doing this to get back at me for forgetting his birthday for the last three years – I have a busy work schedule.

Please help him make the right choice in life by not being gay. He won’t listen to me, so maybe he’ll listen to you.

– Feeling betrayed

Dear betrayed: You could teach your son an important lesson by changing your own sexuality to show him how easy it is. Try it for a year or so: stop being heterosexual to demonstrate to your son that a person’s sexuality is a matter of choice – one that is dictated by his parents, his parents’ church, and social pressure.

I suspect my suggestion will elicit a reaction that your sexuality is central to who you are. It’s the same for your son. He has the right to be accepted by his parents for being exactly who he is.

Pressuring your son to change his sexuality is wrong. If you can’t accept him as he is, it might be safer for him to live elsewhere.

One group that might help you and your family understand how to navigate this is Pflag.org. This organization is founded for parents, families, friends and allies of LGBT people and has helped countless families overcome this challenge. Please search and connect with a local chapter.

Check previous Ask Amy columns

(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter. @askingamy or Facebook.)