The 7 Silent Sins That End Marriages, According to Psychology

Maintaining relationships can be a difficult task, and it gets even more complicated as the amount of time and emotion you invest in your partner increases. As expected, you won’t always get along. There will be plenty of arguments about finances, the conflicting personalities of friends and family, and details like the fact that he always leaves the gallon of milk in the fridge when there isn’t even enough left for a bowl of Special K.

We all have a breaking point, and while some women can forgive infidelity time and time again, many others are ready to give up on the first ignored text message. Which of the seven deadly dating sins do you think ends a relationship…for good?

Here are 7 silent sins that end marriages, according to psychology:

1. Infidelity

a man looks over a woman's shoulder on the phone Kmpzzz | Shutterstock

Whether it’s emotional infidelity or an affair, infidelity is one of those things that can easily destroy a relationship. People cheat for a variety of reasons that don’t always include being attracted or interested in someone else and sometimes, depending on the circumstances, some relationships can handle the occasional wandering eye (or lower body).

Cheating is sometimes a response to a lack in the relationship, rather than a matter of greed, convenience, or indecision. But cheating is often more work than it’s worth. If you’re not happy in your relationship, leave it. It’s easier said than done most of the time, but it really is that simple.

Too often, women stay in relationships where they have been cheated on repeatedly and try to convince themselves that all is forgiven, but they use the incident as a weapon every time a disagreement arises. If you say you are over it, get over it. If you can’t move on, move on.

2. Abuse

upset woman with knees pulled to chest on couch fizkes | Shutterstock

Obviously when a relationship involves physical violence or deliberate emotional and mental denigration, it is time to serve those papers on the victim.

Unfortunately, I have witnessed many situations in which partners fail to realize that they are bringing out the worst in each other, and too often their interactions escalate to the point of causing irreparable damage.

Someone who makes you so angry that you become unrecognizable is probably not your ideal partner, and until you can learn to control your emotions in a healthy way, a relationship is probably one of the last things you need. When personalities clash, sometimes there is no one to blame. And any bad relationship is not worth the tears that go into it.

3. Dishonesty

Man hides his phone screen from angry woman Studio Prostock | Shutterstock

Most of us would pack our bags as soon as the truth is revealed about an important matter (for example, when we find out he has a wife or girlfriend), but what about little white lies? Sometimes, little lies can become more problematic than big lies.

Exaggerating about the amount of compensation or not revealing that your best friend was once your bedmate before you met can lead you to realize that you don’t really know the man you’re falling for. You can’t build a stable foundation for anything long-term if it’s marred by little cracks of dishonesty.

Experts support this claim and say that honesty is more than just not lying. Deception involves making ambiguous or vague statements, telling half-truths, manipulating information by emphasizing, exaggerating or minimizing it, and withholding feelings or information that are important to a person who has a right to know because it affects the relationship and deprives that person of their freedom of choice and informed action.

4. Lack of respect

Upset woman ignored by man using tablet Wavebreakmedia | Shutterstock

An ex once accused me of not taking his feelings into consideration. He said I tended to ignore issues that bothered him if I didn’t see them as relevant. Once I put my ego to rest, I discovered he was right.

Disrespect can take obvious forms, like when a man insults you or openly flirts with other women in your presence, but sometimes not taking your partner’s concerns seriously, even if you think he’s stupid, is just as disrespectful. Just because you don’t understand your partner’s point of view doesn’t mean their opinions shouldn’t be validated.

The problem with disrespect is that often times, once someone sees that you are willing to accept being treated any way they want, the disrespect often escalates. You can make it clear what is acceptable behavior in your relationship from the beginning without scaring a man off.

5. Lack of support

woman crying and hiding a handkerchief in her hand fizkes | Shutterstock

One of the main reasons people get into relationships is to seek companionship and support. So what’s the point of being in a relationship where your partner is condescending, judgmental, and doesn’t stand up for you or your actions? Hell, there are haters out there who will at least tell you WHY you should reconsider questionable actions instead of just putting you down.

I once dated a man who could never celebrate my accomplishments without either A) trying to convince me that the opportunities were not the result of my hard work or talent, but simply luck, or B) taking advantage of my successes.

He could never celebrate my success without finding a way to shine a light on the actions he was taking. Breaking other people’s backs is enough to keep yourself from getting thrown under the bus in this world, but home is no place for competition.

Research supports the stress process model that social support is beneficial and strain is detrimental to mental health. Social support from a spouse/partner was linked to fewer initial depressive symptoms in every age group, and strain from a spouse was linked to more initial depressive symptoms in middle-aged and older adults, suggesting the importance of the spouse across the life span.

Being alone and loving yourself is better than being with someone who makes a point of outdoing you every day.

6. Lack of communication or listening

angry woman ignoring man fizkes | Shutterstock

Have you ever wondered if you are a good listener? Are you able to communicate your needs and concerns properly in a relationship? Without effective communication, relationships can deteriorate quickly.

Too often, partners think they don’t need to say exactly how they feel because their partner should “just know.” I’m sure you’ve seen at least one couple in your life who doesn’t know how to have a mature conversation.

It’s either aggression and yelling or passive aggression. Some couples even manage to stay in a relationship where they don’t communicate at all. Miss Lauryn Hill said it best: “Bad communication leads to complications.” Want to single-handedly destroy your relationship? Ignore their opinions and thoughts and watch this thing sink faster than the Titanic.

7. Lack of reliability or confidentiality

woman comforted by friends Romantic Studio | Shutterstock

Don’t confuse reliability with predictability. The older I get, the more I believe that the best relationships are those that are more routine and stable.

When building a life together, it is important that partners feel confident that the other is doing their fair share of maintenance without the other having to constantly remind them or clean up after them. Your partner should be just that, a partner, not a replacement for your mother or father.

It’s also hard to discover that you and your partner aren’t the only ones in your relationship. It’s understandable to confide in family and friends about your upsets, but no one but you and your partner should know what’s going on in your bedroom.

Allowing others to constantly have a say in what you should or should do in your relationship is like letting them drive your Benz with no rearview mirrors: they have only one view of the story and are driving a relationship that doesn’t belong to them.

Toya Sharee is a community health educator who is passionate about helping young women build self-esteem and make informed choices about their health.