Ask Eric: Write the Perfect Anniversary Message for a Couple Facing a Terminal Illness

Dear Eric: We are very good friends with a couple that we have known for over 50 years. Their anniversary is coming up and I usually send them a card.

The problem is that the husband has terminal cancer and is unlikely to live to see the end of the year (pancreatic cancer – no one I know who has had this has survived the year). Many birthday cards have messages like “Happy Birthday” followed by “…and many more years” or “The best is yet to come.”

I know to avoid these kinds of things and try to find something better. If I can’t find such a card, I would like to acknowledge their anniversary, but be compassionate. I might send a blank card with my own sentiments. Any suggestions on what to write? Even if I could find one with a printed message, I would like to add a personal note. Like my husband and I, they have been a wonderful and loving couple for many years (they will be celebrating their 51st anniversary).

– Feeling of love

Dear Sentiment: There is always a good time to tell those we love that we love them. It doesn’t matter if it’s the end of the world or a random Tuesday. I think you should follow your impulse and get a blank card and take the opportunity to express how much this couple meant to you. It doesn’t have to be maudlin or melodramatic, but try to find the words to tell them how much their friendship meant, how much they impacted your life, and how grateful you are to know them. Maybe there is a favorite memory you want to bring up, something funny or sweet.

Also consider acknowledging that this is a terrible and difficult time and that there are difficult emotions all around. It will be helpful to remind them that they are not alone in facing the grief and fear that this diagnosis brings, and that their 50-year relationship is not defined by it.

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Send your questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.