8 Clear Signs a Man Just Isn't Interested in You, According to Psychology

Ladies, we deliberately convince ourselves that deciphering a man’s true interest is a difficult mystery, but it’s not. There is one thing you need to watch out for to know with complete clarity if a man loves you, cares for you and wants to live with you.

Pay attention to his actions, not his words. Knowing if a man likes you is really that simple and that’s what makes it so difficult (read: scary) at the same time. Instead of continually asking yourself, “Does he like me?” being aware of actions will save you time and heartache.

Here are 8 clear signs that a man is just not attracted to you, according to psychology:

1. Late-night posts are the norm

He texts late at night and wants to meet. You seem good for sex but nothing more, as the advice of University of Berkley Health Services.

2. It looks like a series of connections

You only have brief conversations or text messages to decide what you are going to do or where you are going to meet.

A man who loves you wants to spend his free time with you and know who you are. You will hear from him between the times you see each other. He will eagerly introduce you to his friends and family. A study of International Psychogeriatrics The association demonstrates that he will treat you with respect if he is into you.

She sits at the end of the bed, he isolates in the background VGstockstudio via Shutterstock

3. You spend most of your time together between the sheets

Sorry, but his behaviors and actions are telling you loud and clear that he’s not totally in love with you, as explained by research on intimacy theory published by the Journal of Social and Personal Relations. He has one foot in and one foot out. Many women make the mistake of trying to do and be more in the hopes that a man will love them more. But the signs are already there and things are not going to change.

4. He always disappears

He disappears between appointments and you don’t know where he goes.

A study of the effects of relational uncertainty Staff Relationships Newspaper suggests that even if you can’t put your finger on it, you should listen to any uncomfortable feelings you have when words and actions don’t add up or align. If you’re not honest with yourself, you’ll spend weeks, months, and years with the wrong men in relationships that aren’t right for you (and never were to begin with).

5. He keeps his options open

Even if you get along well and have a good time, he still wants to keep his options open in case someone better comes along. He shows a lack of commitment and harms the stability of the relationship, according to a study by The Journal of Family Psychology. It’s difficult because he may say things you want to hear and may work his way into your head, causing you to overanalyze, make excuses, and ignore the obvious red flags in his behavior.

It’s hard because if you feel like you’re running out of time or that you won’t meet anyone better, you’re more likely to believe that empty promises mean he’s into you. It takes courage to resist making his words mean what you want them to mean rather than seeing what his actions tell you.

The couple has a tense discussion and both are upset Dragana Gordic via Shutterstock

6. You haven’t met his people

He keeps his life compartmentalized – he is reluctant to introduce you to his family and friends (or you haven’t met them). A study in the Journal of Social Indicators Research demonstrates how inclusion in the social networks of family and friends is crucial for healthy relationships.

7. He makes himself a priority and you an afterthought

Don’t let your mind rationalize its actions or convince you to accept behavior that makes you feel like an afterthought. Feeling known in a relationship is vital, as a study conducted in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.

8. He treats you badly and blames you when things go wrong

Behaviors and actions don’t lie. Words are not the truth. When you pay attention to a man’s behaviors and actions, you will quickly learn how he feels about you. Your mind may try to rationalize its actions or convince you to accept being treated poorly. The Gottman Institute tells us that in healthy relationships, there is a five-to-one ratio of good to bad interactions. But your body will tell the truth and you will feel like something is wrong.

She turns to walk away from him AJStockPhotos via Shutterstock

So, what should you do if you’ve fallen for a man who says the right things but his actions don’t match? Leave now. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking, “If only I had…” Don’t spend hours arguing with your girlfriends about what you should do.

By leaving, you’re making room for a man whose words, behaviors, and actions indicate he’s really into you. Rather than being in a rush to find love, set the pace, let things happen naturally, and pay close attention to how your body feels around the men you’re dating.

His actions speak louder than his words when he cares about your well-being. His words match his actions, his actions consistently indicate that you are a priority, and he is excited to know you as a person (not just as an intimate partner).

Most importantly, be kind and compassionate to yourself. It takes time to find the right one for you. Wait patiently and see; notice the signs that appear when a man is not into you. By doing so, you will move forward more quickly and make yourself available to a man whose behaviors and actions make it clear that he is completely into you.

Janet Ong Zimmerman is a dating and relationship coach, founder of Love for Successful Women and creator of the course Woo: 9 Juicy Ways to Bring Out a Man’s Desire to Seduce You. She helps successful women find the love they want.