The Spinoff Guide to Life: How to Text Without Being Annoying

In the latest edition of The Spinoff’s etiquette guide, we consider how to avoid some common texting pitfalls.

Texting! We do it all the time – for many people, it’s the default form of private communication, replacing the phone call, letter or email. There are dozens of platforms, practical and more social reasons to text, occasionally unwritten expectations, and lots of possibilities for great fun.

Here’s a quick tour of the etiquette for sending and receiving texts and enjoying the messages and the relationships they’re a part of.

How to Send a Text Message When You Took Too Long to Respond

Apologize for not responding. For things like a photo of your nephew at the community art show that you forgot to recognize, there’s no need to join a apology orgy; be sincere but brief. “Sorry, I forgot to respond to this photo! He looks so cute” at the beginning of your next text is fine.

However, if the text you ignored was something that may have actually hurt someone’s feelings, like not responding to your old roommate’s message that he was very upset about the breakup or forgetting to congratulate a roommate who sent it to you photos of the new child on Whatsapp, then skip the text and call them.

If someone didn’t answer the phone

Send them a message explaining why you called. “Kia ora, I wanted to know your dal recipe to make for dinner tonight if you’re around!” or “just saying hi, nothing urgent – ​​I’d love to talk to you soon” or “we need to discuss what’s going on with Susanna’s lawyer, call me when you can.” It’s not voicemail, no one likes checking voicemail!

How to use emojis and emoji reactions

Emojis and emoticons (made with text :)) can be a useful way to soften messages and convey tone. But with hundreds and hundreds to choose from, deciding between a green or orange heart can be confusing, and interpreting an elephant or broken chain emoji can be perplexing. Ideally, your messages will be clear, rather than artifacts that must be scrutinized like the Rosetta Stone.

When it comes to emojis, keep it simple; one or two will suffice in most cases. A check mark or thumbs up is a good response to show that you agree with something, and a heart is an easy way to show compassion and care. Faces are a good way to convey the mood in which you wrote something. But remember that there is always levity in emojis. Saying “I’m so upset with him 😠” has a playful tone that a simple “I’m so upset with him” doesn’t.

Emoji reactions are good for efficiency, to show that you agree or support someone, especially in group chats; they are ideal for situations where your response would be a single emoji (or a word like “yes”). However, as discussed below, emoji reactions are inscrutable and less noticeable; Therefore, when it is vital to convey a message, do not rely on anyone to see your reaction.

How to Text Your Kid’s Teacher/Your Dentist/Your Plumber

When communicating with people you know in an official or service capacity, all of the above applies, with an additional imperative: don’t waste each other’s time. Do not confirm a dentist appointment with a cardiac reaction; be clear, brief and polite in each message. And respond quickly, as these messages are often time-sensitive, determining whether there will be oranges at this afternoon’s football halftime or whether you’re home for someone to look at the garage door.

How to send a message to a group chat

Group chats it can be so fun! They can also be very irritating and distracting. Most group chats have their own culture, but if all you’re going to post is an emoji, just use the react emoji – or if too many messages bother you, mute.

If you want to send information to some people in the group that not everyone will be interested in, simply create a spinoff group, even if it is only used for the netball social season and never again.

How to decide which platform to use to contact someone

Ah, the eternal enigma: your Facebook Messenger friends, Instagram DM colleagues, WhatsApp uncles and SMS cousins. Which one do you use to contact someone? Is it normal to have dear friends whose phone numbers you don’t know after a decade of relationships? Does your girlfriend’s love for privacy mean that four years’ worth of messages need to migrate from Instagram DMs to Signal?

In general, be consistent with the platform on which you communicate with a given person; Keep in mind that SMS messages are not particularly secure, while all messaging platforms owned by Meta (WhatsApp, Instagram and Facebook) are encrypted, although they also use your data to generate advertising revenue. Signal is a non-profit secure alternative.

When to Let a Text Conversation Come to Its Natural End

Spending weeks in a slow game of “how are you” and “yes, doing well” phone etiquette can be as corrosive to a relationship as a flurry of agitated messages to your friend Slow Horses after the last episode, before you decide that there is nothing more to do. say to each other. The “hustle” type messages are easy to complete as everyone understands that you can’t give your phone your full attention for long periods of time. Saying “It was nice talking, I need to go to bed/school/grocery now” is a good way to not let the other person down.

For the conversation that drags on with asynchronous responses, it’s best to end with something substantial that doesn’t draw an immediate response, such as: “It was so good to hear from you, I’m having so much fun doing my master’s degree in architecture and living in Prague, let me know if you need it.” for some advice in January on what Antonio would like for his birthday!

How to schedule an update

Wow, it’s so hard to see your friends these days! There is an epidemic of loneliness! And because it’s so hard to stay in touch, and in many ways communicating through messaging is so unsatisfying, then it must be a great joy to find a moment to see someone you like without having to touch the screen first. (Or, second best, find a time to call them.)

When making plans via text, don’t be vague. Many friendships have withered and died with people replying to Instagram Stories saying “it would be nice to see you soon” and leaving it there. Start with a general time: “next week” or “tonight” or “when I’m visiting in November.” If you have a specific activity to propose, or you already know its availability, start with this: “go for a walk”, “I’m free on Tuesday evening if you want to call me anytime after 6 pm” or “are you anxious to try the new toast shop behind the park.”

Plans are confirmed when both parties agree to the plan, no when one person proposed a date, time and activity, and the other person reacted from the heart. When you agree on a plan, enter it; don’t send a voicemail, just so it’s easy to reference when you’re like, “wait, where did we agree to meet”?

In ‘just checking’ texts

You managed to block some time! But no, the ordeal isn’t over: there’s another text message to come. “Does tonight still work for you?”, “Just checking to see if we’re still meeting for lunch?” If you are the person changing plans already agreed upon, the The onus is on you to report it as quickly as possible.

The wording “just checking” is understandable, but should be used judiciously. The ideal is to simply trust that the person you are meeting will show up and have that same trust extended to you. But if you’re in the mood to check, there are three factors to consider: the time that has passed since the plans were agreed upon, the trustworthiness of the person/people you are meeting, and the acts of God. If you agreed to the plans last week, don’t worry about reconfirming. But if the person you’re meeting is very forgetful and/or busy, this rule can be ignored – go ahead and check again.

The same applies if an important event outside the control of both parties has occurred, for example a natural disaster, a railway derailment or news that there is likely to be Aurora visible that night, in which case circumstances will force a change of plans. In that case, include this detail in the message: “Hi, I’m still planning to take a walk with you on the beach tonight, but I know you’ve always wanted to see the Northern Lights, so I just wanted to check if you’re still planning to be there?” This seems thoughtful and compassionate as well as pragmatic.

If you are late

If you’re less than five minutes late, don’t bother texting. If it is more than that, submit an ETA.