Asking Eric: Caught off guard by unflattering photo

Dear Eric: Unbeknownst to me, a friend recently took a photo of me with another friend and her dog. It’s a shockingly unflattering image and the angle exaggerates my size. She messaged me and the other person, and I responded immediately, begging her to delete the photo, but she had sent it to other people we know. I repeated my request with the phrase “I’m NOT kidding.”

His actions seem mean and embarrassing, out of nowhere, because I thought we had a good relationship. The photo reactivated my self-consciousness about my weight and I have a feeling she was deliberately mocking my appearance. I canceled social plans and chose to stay home ever since.

I know this reaction is my problem; not seeing myself as others see me, I guess. But I can’t “dismiss” it like others advise me to do, and I really don’t want to continue the friendship, I feel like the trust is gone. Thoughts or advice?

– Imperfect image

Dear photo: Blame the equipment, not the user. From what you said, she wasn’t trying to be malicious – and probably didn’t see the photo the same way you did. It happens to all of us, but it doesn’t have to haunt you.

I know this is distressing, but please give your friend another chance. Right now, you are isolating yourself with only your negative thoughts for company. Metaphorically, it’s as if you’ve locked yourself in a room covered with this photo like torment. This is not healthy and it doesn’t need to be this way.

Accept that this person wouldn’t deliberately take an unflattering photo of you, and even if they could have taken a better angle or taken a few more photos to be safe, none of us are defined by a snapshot. If you don’t believe me, Google “unflattering photos of attractive celebrities.” Please don’t let a few pixels steal your joy.