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For a man to fall in love with a woman, three little things need to happen at the same time | James Allen Hanrahan

For a man to fall in love with a woman, three little things need to happen at the same time | James Allen Hanrahan

Most of us consider friendship to be an important part of any romantic relationship. But this is also where things can get confusing. You might be building a beautiful friendship with a guy you’re interested in through texting, but sometimes it’s hard to figure out if he’s interested in you or just being friendly.

Is he into me? Luckily, there are some simple signs you can look out for once you understand how guys text when they like you.

For a man to fall in love with a woman, three little things need to happen at the same time:

1. There must be chemistry

The reason texting gets confusing is that even if you think you have chemistry when you meet a guy for the first time, when he’s just texting you instead of calling and seeing you in person, it’s hard to tell whether he was just flirting in a friendly way, or whether the two of you made a real connection.

An important barometer of whether or not he likes you as more than a friend is whether or not there is chemistry between you. A guy who feels chemistry with you will move heaven and earth to see you.

Chemistry is that intense connection you feel with someone new, according to research published in the Association for Psychological Science. So if he’s just texting you, he probably didn’t and he only sees you as a friend.

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Things that need to happen simultaneously for a man to fall in love with a woman PRODUCTION MART / Pexels

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2. There must be compatibility

Guys tend to be realistic about this. Even if they have chemistry with you, if they suspect a compatibility issue – if you live too far away, for example – they will quickly recognize that it won’t work out.

Unfortunately, this won’t stop many of them from texting you, because for most guys, getting attention from a woman is better than getting none at all. That’s why you also need to be realistic. Ask yourself, “Are we really compatible?”

How many ways are there to be compatible with someone? Research published in Personality and individual differences identified 24 different ways.

The first is geographic. If he lives more than an hour away, he might come see you once, or maybe even twice. But the chances of this becoming a way of life for him are low. So if a guy is messaging you but not making any effort to see you, it could be that he doesn’t think you’re compatible and just wants to be friends.

Things that need to happen simultaneously for a man to fall in love with a woman Ott Maidre/Pexels

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3. There must be communication

The lack of nonverbal communication involved in texting causes all kinds of miscommunication and confusion. You might think that if you text each other all the time that you’re communicating, but romantic relationships are built in person.

When a guy sees you in person, you have completely different conversations. Body language, physical touch, and eye contact are essential ingredients in nonverbal communication. If a guy likes you, there will be times when he suddenly stops talking to communicate with you in one of these ways.

This can’t happen if he’s just texting you and you haven’t seen each other in person. No verbal communication can replace what is not said between you. That’s why, to be frank, if a guy doesn’t stop talking and approaches you at some point, no matter how many times he texts you, you’re just friends.

The three things that need to happen to make a man fall in love with a woman are chemistry, compatibility and non-verbal communication. You have to have all three.

Without chemistry, you are just friends. If he’s not making an effort to see you, you probably don’t have chemistry.

Compatibility always trumps chemistry. If you live too far away or for any other reason he thinks you’re not compatible, he might text you and stay in touch, but he won’t go anywhere.

Nonverbal communication tells you everything you need to know about whether or not he likes you as more than just a friend. If he’s texting you that he can’t wait to see you, great! If you’re geographically compatible enough to make this happen, great!

And if at any point in a personal conversation he stops talking, I think we’ve answered your question. He likes you as more than just a friend.

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James Allen Hanrahan is a dating and relationship coach for women based in Los Angeles. He is also the author of A life of love and Dating Advice for Alpha Women.