Where are all the men shocked by Gisele Pelicot’s rape trial?

The story of Gisèle Pelicot is traumatic, extreme and yet another example of men and their unfair, entrenched social power over women – her experience should be yet another moment when society says ‘enough is enough’.

And yet there is a group of people who are desperately far away of urgent activism: men themselves.

Pelicot is powerful testimony in court of her male attackers must be convincing enough to reveal to men the gross injustice and deep-seated dishonesty at the heart of our patriarchal society.

It is now up to men – all men – to speak out. The moving descriptions of a woman being drugged and raped cannot be ignored or portrayed as an indefensible extreme that requires no vocal response. Silent disapproval or disgust is not enough.

It doesn’t matter that for men, the threat of sexual violence isn’t as common, as intrinsically felt, or as widely experienced – they still need to realize that they need to shout just as loudly as women do about this issue (and its abundance of others that occur every day).

I say this as one victim by rape myself. Yet I would never try to compare my own experience to the historic, deep-seated inequality that forces women to remain silent and ashamed.

Pelicot has inspired me. She shows that it is possible to tap into a sense of shared solidarity between victims, who find liberation from years of silence. Witnessing her resistance is both powerful and infuriating – and builds on the MeToo movement.

But it’s hard. Fighting for change requires superhuman strength and tenacity. And society does not support these women – it only reinforces existing systems of inequality.

Pelicot has challenged this himself: “It’s not ours to have shame – it’s theirs.” She’s a hero.

Thousands of women have amplified her message on social media, but solidarity for women’s rights is not often expressed by men. Centuries of institutional misogyny are to blame for this. It took just as long for men to realize the meaning of consent.

And if you’re wondering why we have to keep pushing; why we need men to be part of the vanguard against gender-based sexual violence, think about this: because without men who add their voices to the call for change, the kind of language and attitudes that (sometimes directly, sometimes indirectly) lead to sexual violence will never be questioned.

Just look at those accused of raping Pelicot: they are husbands, sons, brothers; grandfathers, plumbers, machinists and retirees. ‘Everyday’ men, the kind we all know.

Men speaking out against men who commit sexual violence is therefore an act of liberation – and it could unleash a social justice movement with the potential to weave a groundbreaking new moral tapestry for change.

It has taken me years to put my experience with sexual violence into words. It was unthinkably difficult to translate what I had experienced into a factual description of how it all happened; how I felt at that moment – ​​and the aftermath.

Everyone’s experience is unique and based on different emotions. It is a myth that all survivors will express the same feelings if they choose (or are forced) to confront their victimhood. No person is ‘typical’.

For me personally, I had cried so much and masked the physical signs of my experience that it took a forensic, top-down approach to help me understand what I had experienced. I felt the same sense of shame as Gisèle Pelicot rightly challenged.

After years of hiding the memories, I realized that this experience could not be put out of my mind. It was important to my sense of identity to admit that yes: me am a victim.

So if we want to encourage men to become emotionally aware, thoughtful people – instead of the emotionless pillars society pressures them into – we need to openly challenge sexist behavior.

We need to teach men to dispel rape myths and understand that this is the case with most sexual crimes involved by close friends and family, not by the ‘lone attacker’. We must crack down on harmful, divisive rhetoric like Andrew Tate.

I believe we can inspire through social change factual change. And we should call this an “act of freedom” – freeing men from the shackles of misogyny and helping them rise up against toxic masculinity, fear and inequality.

As inspiring as Pelicot’s invincible spirit isit’s not enough, alone. That can’t be the case. And so I have made this call for men to speak now and be set free. Who is with me?