Dear Abby: My boyfriend is great, but he can’t keep up with me sexually

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my early twenties and I have been in a relationship with my husband for two years. I love him dearly and want to spend the rest of my life with him. He plans to propose before the end of the year, and we plan to get married next year.

Sex with him is fantastic. However, I have a very active libido (probably similar to that of a teenage boy) and I would be okay with having sex every morning, day and night. He, on the other hand, is fine with once a week, if that. I feel deprived and sad. We have discussed this and he claims he knows he needs to improve, but there has been no change.

I don’t know if I want to say yes if this is what marriage to him will be like. I’m worried about him proposing now because I’m not sure I can marry him if he doesn’t like sex as much as I do. Sex is an extremely important activity in my life. I had great sex with a previous boyfriend and even thought about hooking up with him. (I wouldn’t cheat.)

Should I settle? I don’t want to miss sex as much as I want. It doesn’t feel fair to me. I don’t want to end the relationship because he is all I want. He is a good man, loving, generous, kind, thoughtful, funny, intelligent, a great conversationalist, fun, adventurous, but with almost no sex drive. Can you offer any insight? – miserable in MISSISSIPPI

BEST MISERABLE: You are young and I assume there is not a big age difference between you and your boyfriend. When this otherwise ideal man asks the question, your response should be that before you accept his proposal, you want the two of you to have premarital counseling. During some of those sessions, bring up the disparity in your sex drive. There may be more than one way to solve your problem. Discuss this with a licensed sex therapist who can help you explore how you can be more satisfied without your boyfriend feeling “forced to perform.”

DEAR ABBY: Twenty years ago I became a grandmother. My first grandchild was biracial, and I suspect that’s why my best friend, “Dori,” never acknowledged her. When I sent her photos in the mail a few times, they weren’t acknowledged.

Now, twenty years later, Dori has finally become a grandmother through adoption. While I am happy for her, it hurts that my four grandchildren were ignored. I sent generous baby gifts. How can I get past my grudge without making a fuss about it? I don’t want my grandchildren to ever meet her because I think any interest would be idle curiosity and not genuine. Dori never even asked me their names. – BITTER IN CALIFORNIA

BEST BITTER: Why do you call this woman a ‘best friend’? From what you wrote, it seems that Dori stopped being your friend twenty years ago. You were thoughtful in sending her grandchild “generous gifts” (or any gift for that matter). The way I see it, there is more than one way to handle this situation. The first would be to express your feelings to Dori. The second is to continue living your life without her in a leading role.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was created by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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