Joan thinks she was ‘not nice’ after Fantasy Suites

This post contains spoilers from the Wednesday, October 30 episode of The Golden Bachelorette.

Fantasy Suites may not have been a fantasy for everyone.

In the October 30 episode of The Golden Bachelorette, Joan Vassos went to Tahiti with her last three husbands – Chock, Guy and Pascal – for the last part of her journey.

“I’m going to make a life-changing decision,” Joan, 61, told the cameras about what awaited her in French Polynesia.

Joan stayed aboard Windstar Cruises’ Star Breeze ship while in Tahiti, and was visited by her Golden bachelor best friend Nancy Hulkower. The private school administrator explained to Nancy, 62, where she stood with each remaining man and admitted she still had some regrets about getting rid of her. late husband John.

“I’ve had an overwhelming sense of guilt that I’m selfish,” Joan told Nancy. “And if I really love John the way I say and did, then there’s no way I could move on. And well, I do that too. I love him and I will always love him, but I also have feelings for other men.”

Nancy assured Joan, “You are not wrong in what you feel.”

GUY’S FANTASY SUITE

Going into his Fantasy Suite date with Joan, Guy said, “My feelings are very strong. I think I’m falling in love with Joan and I can see this going all the way.

Guy, 66, and Joan drank champagne on a yacht before going snorkelling.

“My kids and my sisters loved you,” Guy told Joan about the visit to his hometown. “I don’t know how you feel, but I didn’t think I’d feel like that again.”

Jeanne agreed. “I’ve also had revelations about my heart that I didn’t think could come where I’m not, and it surprised me,” she said. “And it feels good.”

The mother-of-four told cameras that Guy made her feel “so hopeful,” which made her decision “a lot harder.”

“He’s opened up and is so completely into it now that it gives me the same feeling,” Joan told the cameras. “He is certainly as strong as other connections I have now.”

During dinner with Guy, Joan called their date “one of the best days I can think of,” and invited him to the Fantasy Suite – without any conditions.

“I want to have some time off camera so we can talk and discuss intimate things, but when it comes to the physical part, I’m not going to do that with three different people,” Joan told Guy. “So I’m not going to do it with anyone now. And I’m going to save that for when I have my last person and the person I hope to spend the rest of my life with.”

The ER doctor understood. “I really respect what you’re saying,” Guy told Joan.

With that, Joan and Guy spent the night in the Fantasy Suite.

“I feel absolutely great,” Guy said the next morning. “I definitely feel like I got everything I needed. I gained intimacy on an emotional level. It was a very good evening.”

CHOCK’S FANTASY SUITE

Chock sat down with the host Jesse Palmer prior to his Fantasy Suite date to share how he felt.

“I’m in love with her, and a guy like me just doesn’t throw that away,” Chock, 60, told Jesse, 46.

When Jesse asked Chock how he saw the show ending, the insurance executive said, “It’s either going to be an engagement or my heart is going to be broken.”

For his date with Joan, Chock and the Golden Bachelorette headed to Tahiti on ATVs. “I am here with a wonderful woman and I will remember this for the rest of my life,” Chock told Joan.

Then Chock and Joan went for a picnic. “The idea is that absence makes the heart grow fonder,” Joan said as she toasted Chock.

Chock told Joan he felt like the “luckiest man,” adding to the cameras, “I really, really want this woman in my life.”

The couple had dinner at the Star Breeze and talked about the state of their relationship.

“The closeness and the way we work together as a couple is worth taking to the next level,” Chock told Joan.

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Joan told Chock that she knew he would “never hurt me.”

“I started to feel unseen when John passed away, and that’s why I think when you’re seen, sometimes you just need one person to see you,” she said in an on-camera interview. “Chock makes me feel seen.”

Joan then invited Chock to the Fantasy Suite and told him she didn’t want to have a “physical relationship” that night.

“That’s fine with me,” Chock assured.

The next morning, Chock kept a diary and told the cameras that he and Joan had a “nice evening” with champagne and a “big comfy couch.”

“What have we done? That’s between Joan and myself,” he teased.

PASCAL’S FANTASY SUITE

When Pascal spoke to Jesse before his Fantasy Suite date, the salon owner mentioned that he was almost engaged last November.

“I want to move on, but I’m having a hard time,” Pascal (69) admitted.

Still, Pascal enjoyed a Tahitian buffet with Joan – and he appreciated that the Tahitian people spoke French. “I feel at home, I feel comfortable,” said the Frenchman. “They speak my language!”

From there, Pascal and Joan took part in a Tahitian wedding ceremony, where things took a serious turn.

Joan said during the ceremony that she wanted to let go of her “fear of letting anyone into my life” and her “fear that I won’t honor John’s memory.”

“Speaking of feeling emotions, I wasn’t ready for that yet,” Pascal told the cameras. “You know, I appreciate the thought behind it and I’ve tried my hardest to show her who I am, but my wall is still up. I’m under surveillance. I’m scared. I’m not ready for that.”

Pascal confessed that the wedding ceremony “scared me,” and he planned to talk about it with Joan during the evening portion of the date.

When they sat down to eat, Pascal got straight to the point. “Today was a very interesting day for me,” Pascal said to Joan. “I didn’t expect that.”

Pascal explained to Joan that he had been in love with someone last year and didn’t expect to get to this point. The Golden Bachelorette after his daughter sang him for the show.

“I get scared because I have a really hard time letting go,” Pascal said. “I care about you very much and the reason I wanted to do this is to (not) hurt you. I just don’t think I can get to the place you want me to be.”

Joan asked Pascal, “If you’re not ready, that’s one thing. If you’re never ready, that’s another thing.”

Pascal explained it all. “I know what love is. I’ve been through it, you’ve been through it,” Pascal began. “And I care about you as a friend. But I’m not in love, you know, and I just can’t be there and it hurts me because we’re having fun together.

Pascal continued: “I need that spark, but I just don’t have it.”

Joan told Pascal “it’s okay” that his “heart just isn’t ready.”

“It’s not how I imagined this, but you know, life has a funny way of doing that to you,” Joan said in an on-camera interview.

Pascal tried to shoo the cameras away as he walked outside with Joan. “I hate hurting people,” Pascal said. “I’m hurt now and I hurt her and I feel terrible about that.”

Joan told the cameras that she did indeed feel hurt. “It let me know that he knew how to love, but he just couldn’t; I wasn’t nice,” she told the cameras. “It’s hard to be vulnerable once you’ve been hurt. The walls are up again and I feel like a failure.”

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The Golden Bachelorette airs Wednesdays at 8pm ET on ABC.