How to manage conflict | News, sports, jobs

We will all be involved in conflict in our lives – with friends, family, neighbors, co-workers, significant others, and strangers.

Conflicts are normal and should not ruin a relationship if handled properly.

There are behaviors that people engage in during conflict that should be avoided because such behavior is unfair and ineffective. If such behavior occurs, it will likely lead to increased friction between those involved in the conflict.

Let’s explore that behavior.

Avoid passive-aggressive behavior. Passive-aggressive behavior is an indirect resistance to another person or his demands and the avoidance of conflict.

Passive-aggressive behavior includes things like purposefully not telling someone that they have received an important piece of mail and instead leaving it on the counter for them to notice because you are upset by something they did or said. Another example is leaving someone’s favorite mug in the sink instead of washing it with the other dishes because you are angry about something.

I once experienced passive-aggressive behavior from a colleague. The person was not happy about me taking over some of her responsibilities, and instead of talking about it, she displayed passive-aggressive behavior designed to make me look bad. For example, if I asked for a file or information about something I was trying to find out, she would give me some of the information but not all of it, knowing that I wouldn’t know anything was missing and that would make me seem are bad or make it more challenging for me to do my job.

Another behavior to avoid is leash feeding. It’s like hitting below the belt in boxing.

In boxing, striking below the belt is not allowed as it unfairly targets a vulnerable area on the opponent.

Belt lining in conflict is the same idea. When we engage in leash feeding, we attack someone where he or she is most vulnerable, and this often has nothing to do with the conflict at hand.

For example, if we know that someone has had a tense relationship with his or her parents for some time, we can use that during a conflict to settle things down by saying, “It’s no wonder your mother fights with you.” You are impossible.” Or we can mention an aspect of someone’s life that we know they are sensitive to, such as, “It’s a good thing you don’t have children because you would be a terrible parent if you behaved like that.”

Leashing is unfair, hurtful and has no place in a conflict.

We just need to focus on the problem.

We must also avoid plundering beachcombers. Gunny dismissal is keeping grievances with someone without saying anything about the matter at the time. Then, at some point, we reach our breaking point and throw out the entire bag of stored grievances and bombard someone with them all at once.

That’s unfair because we made them believe that we were okay with whatever the behavior was when it happened.

It would be better to address each problem as soon as it arises.

It is also unfair to continually bring up past conflicts even after we have resolved them.

Once a conflict has been resolved, it should not be brought up again unless it is a new example of the conflict.

I see that most often in romantic relationships. If a couple does the work to move past something (an argument, infidelity, etc.) and agrees to move on, then that event or experience should no longer be used as ammunition against the person.

Never agree that you are over something when in reality you are not. This can be challenging, as it often takes a significant amount of time to rebuild trust and prove through consistent actions that things are different.

But for best results, avoid using past-solved issues in current conflicts.

Finally, we must control our reactions to our emotions during conflict.

Emotions can flare up during conflict, which can lead us to take emotionally charged actions. Emotionally charged actions are usually not the best response to situations. We may say things we know we shouldn’t say, or do things we know we shouldn’t do.

Without delving too much into a conversation about emotional intelligence, it’s important to remember that understanding our emotions and responses to them is the key to productive conflict and meaningful relationships.

If we can avoid these destructive behaviors, we are more likely to have healthy relationships and productive conflict that adds value to our relationships rather than resentment and division.

Jackie Krawczak is president of Jackie Krawczak LLC. Her column appears every three weeks on Thursdays. Follow Jackie on X @jkrawczak.

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