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Florida teens caught throwing trash into surf and ‘grotesquely breathing air’ turn themselves in to authorities

“OMG, imagine if I gave Slater a blowjob, my mom would be so happy. She’s ten years younger than him and still thinks he’s hot.”

Let’s trot. So lead Changa is back in Coolie. My boyfriend and I are trying to go out with a girl for a groupmaybe a warm Brazilian stud if we can’t.

Sure, the bank is neat, the waves have been really fun, and if I manage to give a few blowjobs or lick a few ass, that will be the icing on the cake. I ran out of Olanzapine to chase away my anorexic thoughts, but if I have to be crazy to survive, life is still good.

I went on a shoot with X, herself a horny but ripped slut.

OMG, the photographer was a total scaredy cat. He tried to finger me in the back of the locker room. I screamed and said, “What the fuck man, my boyfriend is going to fuck you up.”

He said he was sorry and came up with some lame excuse and bought X and me. Air Mails all night at Rattlesnake. He said he could get me a sponno with Rip Curl. This creepy guy is so full of shit. So many guys full of shit.

Still, ZX did a smoking hot little DJ set and I gave Ronnie (haha, that’s not his real name) a blowjob after he gave me a little hump. So funny. Still horny when I got home I woke my boyfriend up with a blowjob and jumped on it. Damn, I forgot how psychiatric drugs drained your libido. I feel like the horniest lioness in the world.

The next morning we had breakfast at Haig Street, Kirra. I had pear and raspberry bread and a flat white. I felt like a big cow, but it didn’t matter. X had a green bowl and a Bloody Mary. What a psychopath!

We had to wait for the tide to drop to go for a ride. Money was tight but I knew I still had work in Los Angeles. I saw my agent the other day and he told me they couldn’t have American girls because they were all very fragile. I like the way he says it: “Sooo frah-jil.” He’s gay as hell but so adorable. I flew from New York to Australia to find new girls. He said Australian girls had more courage and gave better blowjobs. How would he know, it’s probably a kai-kai whippee!

So many girls on the bank. I’m psychotically competitive there. I had to break the creepy old guys handjob dream when it was too deep, just to get a fixed wave. Number eight made me sick. Rosie and I had so much fun. She stopped by Slater’s. He’s pretty gross and still pretty sexy. I told Rosie she should offer him a blowjob.

OMG, imagine if I gave Slater a blowjob, my mom would be so happy. She’s ten years younger than him and still thinks he’s hot. My father hates him, he finds him completely crazy.

Dad tried to go pro and never gave up on Q-ey. I ended up with heavy credit card debt and a cocaine addiction. He lives in Indo now. I haven’t seen him much since he separated from mom, I’ve never really seen him. He never came to visit me when I was in the mental health unit. It made me sad. It makes me sad to think about him, so I don’t do it. He probably has an Indonesian girlfriend my age. Why are guys so scary and disgusting? So dog.

There’s this psycho bitch who tried to fuck my boyfriend while I was sick. She’s pretty hot, I have to admit. While trying to board the Changa, I heard that she gave X’s coach a blowjob. What a slut. He’s also a really disgusting old dude. There are so many scaredy cats in the surf industry.

I couldn’t do anything at the clinic anyway. Locked up in Lismore for six weeks, fed fluoxetine and in group therapy every day. Mum came from Byron every few days. At least I could listen to Billie Eilish and make lame psych ward Tik Toks and finger the other girl in there. We were both bored and she was cute and a slut like me.

Maybe Australian girls are just as frah-jil as American ones? I don’t know. We’re all pretty fucked up in the head. At least I’m relaxed now and I’m not a psycho bitch like X.

Life is pretty good, actually. I mean, it’s okay. I still have to do some shifts at the Coolangatta cafe. The one run by the Israelis. The boss is rapey and sigma and the manager told me my dress was too short and my breasts were too exposed the other day. What a jealous, sex-negative bitch. I called the owner and told him I was quitting and he begged me to stay, so I guess I will for a while. Until I go abroad, at least. It’s a complete cook but it’s decent money.

Maybe I’ll go back to college when I get back. But welcome back to Melbourne, crappy experience during the lockdowns. So spicy that all my friends came home. I could study here and surf every day, then move back in with mom. I don’t really know and I don’t care. I’m only 19 so no rush. Maybe I’ll even come back to the Q-ey. Maybe end up in New York, the lesbian bars have a great, immaculate vibe.

D-bah looked fun today, but we still surfed Snapper all the way to Greenmount. The queen was out, my God, I love her so much. Such an angel baby. If I could be one person, it would be Steph Gilmore.

Sammy Pupo burned me but I tried to give him my number, I love that little mustache and the grill. Hot dog. I hope he wins the competition. I feel really excited because I’m living in an existential void. I don’t know. We all fry and sometimes life barely seems worth living.

Like, what’s the point? Forget it, we’re all screwed.

I’m going to have a coffee at Vanilla Lily with Nadia, she wants to start a business selling jewelry and swimsuits with me. We could move to Bali and live in Canggu, reselling our products here in markets and online.

This looks pretty sick. A beautiful little life, that’s for sure.

But I’m still in Coolangatta now. I will probably watch Changa final tomorrow. Then have fun at the Sands, take a guy or a girl for a threesome.

Life is good if you don’t think about it too much, even when you’re off your medications.

(Editor’s note: Velouria Velveteen is the pen name of a famous Coolangatta surfer, who wishes to remain reasonably anonymous for fairly obvious reasons. This is his first piece for BeachGrit.)