Biglaw associate pens Taylor Swift-inspired ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ exit memo

Lateral moves are a regular part of Biglaw life, and as with anything built into a firm’s culture, there are certain traditions built around the process: the notice period, the transfer of cases, the drinks. farewell and, of course, the farewell email.

Now, some associates use the departure memo as an opportunity to cut ties or finally show a little personality. Today’s departure memo comes from the latter camp, and a colleague at the firm in question — Dorsey & Whitney, the firm that puts the 100 in the most recent Am Law 100 — describes it as “the best email of the last day I ever saw. »

Picture this: a Choose Your Own adventure game with Taylor Swift lyrics sprinkled throughout. This associate must have been thinking about this email for two weeks. Are you ready for this?!

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All:

If you are receiving this email, it is for two reasons: first, I enjoyed meeting and/or practicing with you, and second to let you know that today is my last day at Dorsey. If anyone who isn’t on this email asks you questions, just tell them “you know why you weren’t on the list…” I’m mostly just kidding!

Anyway, like most Midwesterners, I hate saying goodbye – so I figured the easiest way to say it was to not say it at all and instead let you write my goodbye for me as if you were choosing your own adventure books.

After (1), I decided to leave Dorsey & Whitney for (2). Although it was not an easy decision for me, (3). I have (4) my time here and I will (5). Dorsey was (6) and I always will (7). I look forward to (8) and wish you all (9).

(ten),

(Redacted)

(1) (a) thoughtful consideration, (b) tossing a weighted coin I bought at a magic store, (c) an impulsive decision, or (d) having an epiphany dream.

(2) (a) take a leading position (redacted) in global mergers and acquisitions, (b) be able to have a normal sleep schedule, (c) enjoy my lottery winnings that I have kept secret until now , or (d) start again without more struggles every day to make timesheets.

(3) (a) I think it’s the right one, (b) the Magic 8 Ball hasn’t gotten me dirty yet, (c) it was easier than it is to (redacted) bring people to run the business forum, or (d) I tried to choose my job until the job chose me.

(4) (a) I really enjoyed it, (b) I tolerated…, (c) I have already forgotten most of it, or (d) I had the time of my life fighting dragons .

(5) (a) I miss you all that I’ve gotten to know, (b) I’m looking forward to lunch with a client, (c) be amazed at how quickly anything with my name on it gets deleted from Dorsey’s website at exactly 5 p.m. today, or (d) hold onto the memories as they will hold onto you.

(6) (a) a large firm where I was able to continue to develop my legal career, (b) better than Jones Day, I hear, (c) very punctual with my paychecks, or (d) a place who drugged me head first, without fear.

(7) (a) value my experience here and be grateful for the opportunity given to me, (b) pray that (redacted) continues to send me salmon for the holidays, (c) ask me what what are the financiers who came in once a month and they were in the office next to me for the rest of the month because they literally spent the whole day, every time, talking about video games and professional wrestling without even turn on their computer, or (d) be delighted and encouraged. I will never, ever have to redo my timesheets again.

(8) (a) see a lot of you outside of work, (b) get out of here and take a vacation, (c) attend the Corporate Counsel Symposium as a client and ask the questions that I was too embarrassed to pose as an associate. , or (d) it’s 2 a.m. and I’m sleeping instead of cursing a customer’s name.

(9) (a) good luck in your future endeavors, (b) gave me a nice bottle of whiskey as a parting gift, (c) will appreciate this email and won’t report me at the bar, or (d) never go out of style.

(10) (a) Always, (b) Too good, (c) Let the games begin, or (d) It’s time to go.

Very seriously, best wishes and thank you for everything! My new email to (redacted) will be (redacted) and my cell number in my signature block remains the same, so don’t be a stranger.

Haiku forever out of Dorsey’s office

The last day of work.
Ironic, because it is
First day of vacation.
Sincerely,

PS I was paid $20 to include all Taylor Swift references for all the latest picks.

PPS, I’ll be in the office if anyone wants to make one last lunch today.

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Good luck to this associate in their new firm. It certainly seems like Dorsey is losing a very creative legal mind!

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Staci Zaretsky is an editor at Above the Law, where she has worked since 2011. She would love to hear from you, so please email her with any tips, questions, comments, or critiques. You can follow her X/Twitter and Threads or connect with her on LinkedIn.