GC UNVEILS “Innovative” Plan to Broadcast 3 Angels’ Message by Fax

SILVER SPRING, MD — In a move hailed as revolutionary by those nostalgic for the 1980s, the General Conference unveiled its latest strategy for spreading the message of the three angels: fax machines.

“While everyone is distracted by the internet and social media, we have decided to take a bold and unprecedented step back,” GC spokesperson Faxwell Printmore said. “We believe the humble fax machine is the ideal way to reach souls in these last days. »

According to sources within the GC, the decision to use fax technology was made after an exhaustive two-week study in a dusty church basement, during which researchers came across an old box of unused fax paper and a vintage Rolodex.

“Our hope is to create a more personal connection,” Printmore explained. “Nothing says ‘urgent message from God’ like the blaring sound of a fax machine spitting out pages at 3 a.m.”

Church members around the world are encouraged to dust off their old fax machines and prepare for a deluge of important documents containing the three angels’ messages, as well as occasional potluck recipes.

Critics say this plan might be a little dated. However, GC officials remain optimistic. “This is just the beginning,” Printmore added. “Then we’re looking at mimeographs, telegrams and maybe even homing pigeons.”

Meanwhile, rumors are circulating that the GC tech team is hard at work developing a new app that will allow believers to send urgent prayer requests via Morse code. Stay tuned!

This article was originally published on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.