Is my fiancé’s lack of support for a completely silent wedding and reception a red flag?

Dear readers: Today I hope you enjoy a replay of one of the most infuriating questions I’ve ever posted (lightly edited for space).

Dear Amy: My fiancé and I are planning our wedding. As the bride, I plan on making certain requests of my guests, to ensure my special day is as perfect as possible. For example, I ask my guests to wear exclusively yellow to the ceremony.

My fiancé was supportive, but he angrily rejected my other request: that our guests remain quiet throughout the ceremony and reception (to ensure the attention remains on us). My fiancé said it was irrational.

I know it’s rare. I’ve never heard of a silent marriage, but we have had them in my family. Guests are not allowed to speak during the ceremony, and the only toasts allowed are from the mothers of the bride and groom.

At the reception, guests can whisper, but cannot speak out loud. As a newly married couple, we need to focus solely on each other rather than the rowdy guests.

I know it’s a lot to ask, but I think I should have the marriage I want, so that the start of our life together is perfect. I want him to support me, even if we don’t agree on something.

Is my fiancé’s lack of support a red flag?

– Silence is golden

Silence: Congratulations! You’re on your way to legendary Bridezilla status. Yes, many flags are flying over this unusual affair (and they are yellow, of course).

I hope your fiancé is careful, because if you’re this self-centered now, I can only imagine what the dynamic will be like later, such as if you choose to have children.

Somewhere you seem to have gotten the idea that a wedding is reserved for the bride alone, to serve her whims and fancies. No. Public weddings are family events and should celebrate the union of two families.

It’s not your fiancé’s job to support you, no matter how stupid your ideas are. That’s not how marriage works.

Let’s start with your request that all guests wear yellow. I have yet to see a yellow outfit for men that doesn’t look like a giant banana.

Guests generally do not speak during wedding ceremonies unless they are asked to read aloud. But a silent reception? Aside from some of the traditions associated with a Quaker wedding (which yours obviously isn’t), the idea of ​​a silent reception goes well with your color palette: mostly bananas.

If you don’t want rowdy guests, limit (or don’t serve) alcohol. If you want the attention to be solely and exclusively on you, then get married in a small room, standing in front of a mirror.

You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy Or Facebook.