‘Many suffer in silence’: SGAG’s Xiao Ming on men facing infertility

SINGAPORE – Men understand it too: the emotional roller coaster some women feel when faced with infertility.

Mr Adrian Ang, better known as Xiao Ming in videos on Singapore comedy website SGAG, discovered that his sperm had poor morphology and motility when he and his wife struggled to conceive before eventually becoming the proud parents of their two-year-old son Zachariah.

Mr Ang, co-founder and chief creative officer of Hepmil Media Group, said the three main challenges he faced in his infertility journey were knowing that there was something wrong with him that was affecting his fertility; the lack of social support as there were hardly any men who spoke about his fertility problem; and how his hope of having a child repeatedly turned into disappointment.

“When I started opening up, I was surprised to find that many other couples, especially men, were going through the same thing and many were suffering in silence, alone,” he said.

He and his wife Goh Xin Lei, a senior executive at an international professional services firm, both 37, shared their experience as special guests at a dialogue session on infertility at 64 Club Street on June 29. The event, Voices Of Hope: Navigating Infertility Together, was organized by Fertility Support SG to mark its transition to a public, not-for-profit institution.

Fertility Support SG started in December 2020 as a volunteer group of women who have faced or are facing fertility issues. It has over 8,000 followers on Instagram and 2,500 in a private Facebook group.

It supports couples who are trying and struggling to conceive, or who are suffering from infertility or miscarriage, even though the total fertility rate of residents in Singapore has fallen to a record low of 0.97 in 2023.

Ms. Lin Shumin, a 39-year-old lawyer and mother of two IVF babies, is the group’s chairwoman and one of the founders. She said: “We have always been a group of real women who have struggled with infertility, just trying to help others not feel alone like we did, and CIP status gives weight to our efforts. »

Ms. Indranee Rajah, Minister in the Prime Minister’s Office, who was the guest of honor at the event, said financial support such as co-financing for assisted reproductive procedures is available in public health facilities.

Beyond financial support, the Ministry of Health has introduced regulatory requirements requiring assisted reproduction centres to offer psychosocial counselling to patients before any procedure and to refer patients for psychosocial counselling if necessary.

“When I talk to employers about flexible working hours, we urge them to be more understanding that it’s not just about women being able to go through treatment, but also giving husbands time off because they need to be there to support their wives,” Ms Indranee added.

Mr Ang and Ms Goh married in November 2015 and began trying for a baby in 2018, without success. Ms Goh visited a women’s clinic in early 2019 and was prescribed pills to help regulate her ovulation. However, this didn’t help.

In 2019, the couple underwent two artificial insemination attempts, namely intrauterine insemination (IUI), and in vitro fertilization (IVF). All three attempts proved futile.

A second IVF attempt in May 2020 resulted in pregnancy – and a miscarriage in June 2020 at nine weeks.

After another attempt at IUI and IVF each, the couple decided to take a break from fertility treatment.

In December 2021, Ms Goh discovered she was pregnant, naturally. Zachary was born in July 2022.

Although Mr Ang believes it will take another miracle for him and his wife to have a second child, he said: “Opening up to friends, family and close colleagues about your struggles with infertility would help you build a stronger support system. . I know it’s difficult, but don’t lose confidence, keep trying.