Mainer needs help because the mosquitoes won’t stop biting his ass

There are many potential dangers whenever you enter the Maine woods. There are lots of wild animals, most of which are more afraid of you than you are. There are a handful of plants that can wreak havoc and make for an unpleasant evening. The weather in Maine can change in an instant and also become a problem. But one of the most annoying and irritating dangers is pesky little insects.

That’s why a Maine resident took to Reddit to ask for suggestions on how to keep mosquitoes away. Not necessarily to keep them away in general, but to keep them from biting his butt. You see, this guy loves to venture into the woods, where he’s created a little sanctuary for himself. But the tranquility was interrupted by an itchy butt. And it’s all because of mosquitoes that have gotten smart.

As Reddit user EunModu explains, the mosquitoes he sees don’t bother him. It’s the high-tech mosquitoes that ruin everyone’s fun. He claims to have tried every type of pants out there, from Dickies to polymer fabrics to good old jeans. Nothing has worked. He comes home and his ass is a minefield of mosquito bites.

But here in Maine, if you ask us for suggestions, we’re always willing to give you our opinion. The top three suggestions were:

• Apply insect repellent directly to your buttocks. Don’t be afraid
• Wear fishing waders while enjoying your quiet time in the woods. I bet these motherfuckers can’t bite through that
• Cover your seat and buttocks with extra blankets. Also put a fan, because mosquitoes are bad flyers.

Will this help? Will the ass biting stop? Nobody knows for sure. Mosquitoes are the deadliest creatures on Earth, and their bloodlust knows no bounds. Everyone’s ass is fair game.