Work-from-home employee laments missed opportunities to meet women

DEAR MISS MANNERS: You have always advised against mixing social life and work, although I am not sure why. And now I read that the generation entering the workforce agrees with you and is not particularly interested in having work friends.

Hey, I miss my office friends now that we’re working from home! Work is also where I meet women. I met my ex-wife at a previous job. (Of course, we all know that office dating isn’t supposed to happen, but we all do it.)

I love my job, but my bosses have no problem with people coming in once or twice a week. So when people come in, they have to spend their time looking like they’re actually working, if you know what I mean, and not being friendly like we used to.

Honestly, I often feel lonely and I’m sure I’m not the only one. I’ve tried going to cafes where people work during the day, but they’re all typing on their laptops or talking on the phone. I can’t just break in and get to know them.

What do you suggest? I’m tired of only having virtual “friends” who are probably not even who they say they are.

FRIEND READER: And those co-workers you miss? Don’t you see them after work hours?

And if not, were they really friends? Or just nice colleagues?

Yes, real friendships are sometimes made at work. Miss Manners warned of a test: if you were fired, would they still be your friends? Or, in your case: if they don’t see you naturally, will they make an effort to see you?

Even without the pandemic, we would have had to respond to the prevailing “all work and no play” model. Or rather, the “all work and work-related play” model. Work, including meetings and after-hours retreats, was supposed to take precedence over personal commitments and obligations. People felt defined by their work and defined each other by it, with work related to family or children being the least rewarded.

At the same time, social structures fell into disuse. Women whose husbands had supported the family began to work and no longer had time to take care of the social, civic and religious activities that brought people together.

Companies have tried to capitalize on this by hosting after-hours parties and get-togethers to foster pseudo-socialization among employees. But the pandemic has made many people realize that they would rather spend time with those they have chosen themselves—like their family—than with the person their employer hired.

But you loved these relationships and found them a source of friendship. Now that this has been taken away from you, you are left to your own devices.

The comfort Miss Manners can give you is that these work patterns were so common that there must have been others in your situation. Starting with these work friends, take the initiative to arrange informal get-togethers and encourage them to bring others.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a city with driveways that are close together. I was playing cards on my porch and the neighbor’s car was parked right next to us in his driveway with the windows open. It started to rain.

Should I call the neighbor to tell him? Or would that be intrusive?

FRIEND READER: Telling the neighbors that their teenager left the car windows open would be intrusive. Protecting them from wet seats is good neighborliness.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners on her website, www.missmanners.com; to his email, [email protected]; or by mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.