Miss Manners: My departing colleague gave me a gift. Was my response rude?

DEAR MISS MANNERS:My colleague recently purchased computer equipment for his new career. He generously gave me the expensive computer mouse he used before.

I couldn’t accept such an expensive item for free, so I looked at my wallet and said, “I have to give you at least $20.” He said, “How’s $50?”

I smiled and insisted that he give it to someone else or keep it for himself, even after he said he would take the $20 (albeit embarrassed).

Should I have just taken it, since it will be gone soon? Was I rude to offer money for a gift?

LOVED READER:After such an awkward start, did everyone have to come to work with paper bags over their heads for a week, Miss Manners wonders?

Yes, it was rude to offer money in exchange for a gift. You could certainly have accepted or declined it, as you pleased.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was hospitalized for two weeks with a serious illness that almost cost me my life.

Although I enjoyed my friends, I was in no condition to have visitors other than family members, who understood that I had neither the energy nor the means to chat. So when friends called to say they would come visit, I politely asked them to wait until I was discharged from the hospital.

I have learned that several people were very offended by my request.

Was I wrong?

LOVED READER:You were not wrong, but a more effective technique — and easier for yourself — would have been to delegate a family member to answer your questions.

There is a natural (but obviously incorrect) tendency to think that a person who is well placed to speak on the telephone cannot be in mortal danger.

DEAR MISS MANNERS:My husband and I were invited to a friends house for a few days.

One day we saw the host put a half-eaten piece of chicken back into a pot of stew. Two days later we were served the stew as leftovers.

This situation repeated itself two more times during our stay: the host’s portions were thrown into a bowl, refrigerated and served for another meal.

We found what our host was doing to be unsanitary and disgusting. Even though we didn’t want to eat the leftovers, we felt we had no other choice.

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  Miss Manners: Shouldn’t our wedding guests have been more generous?

Should we have expressed our negative opinion about our host’s behavior not once, but three times? Should we have simply refused to eat the dish we had enjoyed the first time it was served to us?

LOVED READER:As guests in the house, you were essentially captives, Miss Manners realizes, but even if that were not the case, she could not allow telling a guest that you found it disgusting to re-pot leftovers, even once, much less three times. She says this whether it is about the chicken or the complaints that come once or three times.

Even if you can’t denounce the food, you can put it aside and focus on the less well-behaved foods.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.