We’re 30 years apart, but our friendship makes us feel less alone

With so many social activities canceled and public spaces closed, I started volunteering with FriendshipWorks, a nonprofit that pairs volunteers with older adults to combat loneliness and isolation. I was used to talking to an elderly person over the phone, since it was not safe to visit in person at the moment. I thought it seemed like a simple way to do good in my new neighborhood.

But it has proven beneficial for me too. FriendshipWorks aims to combat loneliness in older adults, but One-Third of Americans Feel Lonelyno matter how old I was. I know I did, with just a small social circle of family and friends who had grown up in the suburbs.

My match was almost 30 years older than me

My phone calls with my partner, Carolyn, began in September 2020 with small talk and questions to get to know each other better. I learned that she was approaching her 70th birthday and had moved to Boston nearly 50 years earlier, following some of her older siblings from their home in rural Georgia. Her local siblings had all since passed away.

Due to numerous health issues, she had difficulty leaving her home and tired easily when she did. Carolyn’s world was becoming increasingly smaller and one of her care providers suggested she contact FriendshipWorks to see if they could help.

We didn’t meet in person until June 2021, after speaking on the phone every week for nine months. Soon after, even as COVID restrictions slowly eased and I explored more of the city, my world also began to shrink: My brother, sister-in-law, and newborn nephew moved from Boston to Cleveland shortly after I passed away. marriage ended unexpectedlyThe reality of my move to Boston was nothing like I had imagined.

Over time we became real friends

It was also at this point that my relationship with Carolyn grew from a volunteer opportunity to a true friendship. When I felt most adrift, it was reassuring to know that I looked forward to our weekly visit. She was always open about her own losses, sadness, and loneliness. It gave me permission to be open about mine. We could easily talk about family, relationships, or politics for almost an hour at a time, without knowing where the time was going.

Our unconventional friendship wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t decided to volunteer (and volunteering is a common recommendation for building social connections). more than 30 years apartSince she is 72 and I am 38, we come from different parts of the country, and we have different religious beliefs and racial backgrounds. But we also have a lot in common: we are committed to social justice, we love to laugh, and we value our families.

Today, almost four years after our first phone call, we take short walks around his neighborhood or sit in his yard to enjoy the sunshine when the weather permits. Sometimes we color, eat lunch together, or do some simple strength training in his living room, putting my personal trainer certification to good use. We gush over photos of my nephew and his great-great-nieces and nephews.

We recently started hugging at the end of our visits. There was something about meeting for the first time during mask mandates and my responsibilities as a volunteer that originally, kept us at a distance. But over time, we let our guard down, welcomed each other, and forged a lasting friendship that will benefit us both for years to come.