Silent Screams: 5 Signs Your Adult Child Is Having Trouble

Parents often struggle to step back and let their adult children cope with life’s challenges. However, when a once vibrant and optimistic adult child becomes withdrawn or shows signs of distress, it’s essential to recognize the subtle cries for help.

Based on my experiences coaching parents of struggling adult children, here are five signs that your adult child may be upset and how you can support them.

1. Withdrawal from family and friends

Scenario: Emma, ​​a 28-year-old graphic designer, used to be the life of the party at family gatherings. She would always organise weekend outings with friends and keep in touch with everyone. But lately, her phone calls have become rarer and she makes excuses to avoid family dinners. When asked how she is, she replies: “I’m just tired, I’ve had a busy work day,” but you can tell there’s more to it than that.

How to help: Approach the adult child with empathy. Express your concern without being intrusive. A simple, “I’ve noticed you’ve been a little distant lately. Is everything okay?” can give them a chance to share what’s on their mind. If they’re not ready to talk, let them know you’re there when they are. Sometimes just knowing that someone cares can make all the difference.

2. Sudden changes in mood or behavior

Scenario: Ben, a 30-year-old teacher, has always been even-tempered and easygoing. Recently, he has become irritable and prone to tantrums over minor issues. He lashes out at his partner, Sarah, and has even started avoiding social interactions. Sarah mentions that Ben is staying up late, checking social media, and drinking more than usual.

How to help: Mood swings and behavioral changes can be signs of underlying stress, anxiety, or depression. Instead of confronting an adult angrily, wait until there is a calm moment to share your observations. You might say, “I’ve noticed that you’ve been more nervous lately. Is something bothering you?” Encourage them to seek professional help if needed, and reassure them that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

3. Professional or financial difficulties

Scenario: Mia, 26, has always been responsible with her finances, but recently she began borrowing money from family members and falling behind on bills. She expressed frustration with her job but took no steps to find another one. Her once meticulous budgeting has fallen through, and she seems overwhelmed by small financial decisions.

How to help: Financial difficulties can be a source of immense stress, especially for young adults trying to become independent. In Mia’s case, practical support could include helping her budget or exploring employment options together. It would be important not to take over or make her feel judged. Instead, you can frame your help as a partnership to get her back on track.

4. Neglecting self-care

Scenario: Alex, a 32-year-old software developer, has always taken pride in his appearance and health. But lately, he no longer goes to the gym, his clothes are often wrinkled, and he has lost interest in the activities he once enjoyed. He doesn’t make a big deal of it when asked, saying he’s simply been too busy.

How to help: Neglecting self-care can be a sign of deeper emotional issues. In this case, I recommend approaching your child with respect and expressing your concern without judgment. You might say, “Alex, I’ve noticed you haven’t been yourself lately. I’m here if you need to talk.” Encourage your child to take small steps toward getting back into their routine and suggest activities you can do together, like going for a walk or making a healthy meal.

5. Constant negative self-talk

Scenario: Jessica, 29, was once full of confidence and ambition, but lately she constantly puts herself down. She often says things like, “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never make it.” Her self-esteem has taken a hit and it’s clear she’s lost faith in her abilities.

How to help: Negative thoughts about oneself can erode a person’s self-esteem and lead to a downward spiral. When an adult child expresses these thoughts, gently challenge them by reminding them of their strengths and accomplishments. Encourage them to reframe their thinking and suggest they talk to a therapist who can help them develop healthier thought patterns.

Final thoughts

If your adult child is showing signs of struggling, the best thing you can do is offer support without judgment. Remember, it’s important to listen more than you talk, and to create a safe space for them to open up. Sometimes being there and showing unconditional love is the most important help you can give.